In the Lyrics Read online

  I’ve talked to my momma a handful of times since I’ve been gone. She said things were going well, but there was a distance in her voice, and I know that could only mean one thing – Pop’s drinking has increased. We agreed I’d come home for Thanksgiving break. Her words broke my heart when she said, “That’d be good, baby. I wouldn’t want to go visit your brother without you.” The accident happened on Black Friday. Imagine that, the day after the most thankful holiday in the world. We now dread Thanksgiving and the days that follow it.

  After Hensley’s solo visit with her parents, I was in a funk. Days sort of went by rather slowly for me. Levi was all I could think about after that conversation with my momma, and Hensley was starting to pick up on my distance. Long gone was our playful banter, and that’s when we had our first big heart to heart since we decided to both let our guards down and dive into this, whatever this is, head first.

  “Come sit by me.” She pats the sofa beside her, and I do as she asks. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

  It’s crazy how much she already knows me.

  “I just got a lot on my mind,” I sigh.

  “Care to elaborate?” A few minutes pass before either of us says anything. She sits silent and patient, waiting for my answer.

  “He’s not easy for me to talk about.” I know men don’t typically cry, especially where I’m from in the South, where it’s frowned upon and seen as a sign of weakness or something. But I’d never be ashamed for missing my brother, and in that moment, just the mention of him brings tears to my eyes. She lifts her hand and wipes them away, like it’s her duty to help me and in that moment, that is the only way she knows how. Not once does she say she’s sorry, knowing that that isn’t what anyone who’s lost someone wants to hear. There is no pity in her eyes as she holds me in place with one simple glance – it is pure desire to know more. She wants to know what happened, even if she doesn’t explicitly ask, her eyes beg for me to open up to her. And so I do.

  My voice cracks as I part my lips and begin with that tragic morning.

  “My brother, Levi…” I swallow after saying his name. This would be the first time I’ve ever told anyone about him, about the accident – other than a therapist my mother made me go to for several weeks afterwards.

  “Baby, you don’t have to…you don’t have to tell me. I can see how much you’re hurting. We can put in a movie or go get something to eat. You don’t have to do this, Colby.” Her pleas only make me want to tell her more, to get this off my chest. His death has been burdening me for so long. I already know Hensley is the one for me, my final girlfriend. Don’t ask me how I know, but I do. And I know I want to open up to her and share a part of me that only she could claim to own. I want us to share that – this moment.

  “Levi was three when he was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome. He was special all right, but it wasn’t his disability that defined him. He was special because, well, because he was Levi, my sweet but wacky little brother. Living on a farm really helped him. He could run for miles without reaching another house, and it really taught him a lot. Instead of reading picture books about animals, we’d take him out back and show him the chickens. He loved it and we loved him unconditionally.” I stop to find Hensley with a single tear running down her cheek. She doesn’t move to wipe it away, and she doesn’t try to wipe mine away as they fall from my eyes this time. Our tears are our proof that this is real, that his memory is still in my heart and now hers. While Levi isn’t here with us anymore, we are here, in this moment, very much alive.

  “He was so amazing. Any challenge he faced he overcame. Yes, there were difficult times. He couldn’t communicate with us sometimes and that posed a certain challenge, but he overcame them. We overcame them, as a family. My pops was different back then. It wasn’t until after the funeral that he took his first drink, and I don’t mean just that day. That’s the first time he drank in his entire life. I truly believe a part of him died when that bottle pressed against his lips for the first time.” Hanging my head, I think about the first time he laid his hands on me. The first time that turned into the first of many nights we laid in the front yard with skinned elbows and bloody lips. She doesn’t need to hear that though; putting this on her is enough. I’m not a violent person, but if it’s either getting my ass handed to me on a silver platter or fighting back, you can bet your sweet ass I’ll fight back.

  “What…what…umm…” she stutters, but I know what she is trying to ask.

  “It was five a.m. on Black Friday. I was in bed still, but Pops told Levi he would take him into town for the deals. Levi loved Christmas. What eight-year-old doesn’t? He’d almost rather give people gifts than receive them. The giant smile he wore on his face when one of us opened up his bag was priceless. He’d clap his hands and squeal with delight. Yeah, most of the time he’d only gotten us a pair of Christmas socks or something else silly – his gifts meant the world to us and the smile on his face meant more. Anyways, they were ready to go, but Pops forgot his coffee mug inside. He went in for a split second. One second, Hensley…” Stopping to regain my composure, I bury my face in my hands. Streams of tears falling from my eyes make it impossible to see. My brain reliving the sight in front me, the day my world changed. My gut twists as I fight back the sobs that I eventually succumb to as Hensley wraps her arms around me. My body sways with hers as she rocks me while holding my head on her chest.

  “Shh. Baby, it’s okay. It’s all okay. He’s in Heaven now. It’s okay,” she repeats over and over.

  Looking up, I kiss her. I don’t know where it comes from, but I am so numb in that moment that I need to feel something. She makes me feel alive, so I crush my lips on hers – hard. My eager hands lift her off of the couch and onto my lap. Fumbling with the clothes that keep us apart, we strip naked in a frantic hurry and just sit, baring everything. My eyes roam her body with need. I need to see her, all of her. Surprisingly, she doesn’t hold back either as purrs of want escape both of our mouths. In an instant we’re naked, our bodies lay in line with one another’s. Positioning my hands on her hips, I place her core directly over me. My dick silently begs me to take her, right here, right now. She’s so close, and this is as emotional as a situation can get. I just don’t know if she’s ready. I don’t want her to feel like I’m only telling her about him, about Levi, so she’ll feel sorry for me and screw me. Ignoring my hard-on, I drape a blanket over us and I finish my story. Our bodies burning, skin on skin – soul on soul.

  “It only took one second for Levi to jump in the front seat of my Pop’s truck. He accidentally kicked the gearshift in reverse. The investigator said that he must have reached for the door that was still open, and when he did, he fell out. It was a freak accident. The truck tire rolled right over his chest, crushing his ribs. It punctured his lungs, and well, the list of internal injuries was longer than I can even remember. Pops ran out of the house like a mad man. His screams woke us up. We followed the ambulance to the hospital and waited and waited. There was just too much damage. He made it through the surgery, but that was it. Later that night he was gone.” No tears come as I say those last words. He’s gone, and no amount of tears will ever bring him home.

  “I’m…so…” she murmurs as her chest rises and falls against mine.

  “Shh, don’t say it, Sunshine. Please, just don’t say it,” I beg, and she listens. Instead she continues to cry as I run my fingers through her long brunette hair. We fall asleep and wake up with the dawn in the same position, huddled close underneath the blanket. That was the first of many nights we slept naked in each other’s arms. It sort of became our thing.

  HOLDING HANDS, WE take the short drive to the university to register for our fall classes.

  “Are you sure your college in Texas sent your transcripts over?” she asks as she pulls into the student parking section and backs into a spot.

  “Yes, for the hundredth time. Quit worrying. You’re going to get grey hair.” I wink before reaching for th
e door handle. Getting out she walks over to me and places her hand on my chest. Standing between her car and a yellow Jeep she kisses me, and in the moment I don’t care who is watching or much less that we are standing on a campus full of people. A few dudes whistle and hoot as they walk by us.

  “Is that how a grey-haired woman kisses?” She sticks her tongue out. She needs to watch that. I’ve told her countless times a bird’s going to fly by and shit on it one of these days.

  “I don’t know; let me go find one and test the waters!” Not laughing her hand flies up and punches me in the gut. “Ouch.”

  “Next time you think about kissing someone else, remember how that felt,” she snarls.

  Tilting my head back, I laugh, “Domestic abuse is never the answer.”

  “Shut up,” she giggles. “Let’s go get this over with.”

  A few hours later and we are both registered for our sophomore year of college. The strange part is we are both business majors. While Hensley dreams of leaving this town and singing for a living, I dream of Hensley. Don’t get me wrong, I still want to live my life entertaining, but nothing’s come out of it yet. I’ve been playing sets with her and Dusty almost every weekend, and we’ve been noticed by some local bars, but that’s been it. I promised my brother I’d become someone he would be proud of, and I’ve thought a lot over the past two months about what that means. Would he still be proud of me if I just had an environmental science degree with an associate’s in business management? The reality is, if no big shot producer ever comes scouting me, I might need to think of a second career. One day the farm will be mine. Who knows if it will stay afloat long enough? But if it does, and if I’m just plain, old Colby with no record deal, I want to be able to manage it properly.

  AFTER WE GOT our classes handled we walked to the bookstore and got our books for this semester. Leave it to Colby to be a charmer and carry my books. We dropped them off at my car, so he didn’t break his back, and then we decided to walk around campus. This was his first time here, and I wanted to give him the lay of the land.

  “Well, well, well, if it isn’t the talk of the town, and his friend, whose name doesn’t matter.” Brittani’s annoying voice pierces through me like a dagger.

  “Brittani, just keep walking,” Colby says sternly as he grips my hand more tightly in his and shoos her with his other.

  Attempting to keep my own mouth shut, I bite the inside of my cheek. I can actually feel my blood boiling when she is around. Like there is some bitch alert that goes off in my brain. Just the mere sight of her riles me up.

  “That ain’t any way to treat a lady, now is it? And we both know you know how to treat them.” Her cackle makes me want to puke. My throat feels like it’s on fire, like I literally just swallowed battery acid – I might enjoy that better than being around her. “What, Hensley, does he talk for you now too?”

  “She’s just trying to provoke you. Don’t let her get to you. I don’t,” Colby whispers as we stroll forward towards the cafeteria.

  Brittani doesn’t get the hint and follows us step for step.

  There’s only so much self-control a person can have before they explode. Mine is dwindling. Fast. “Brittani, just go away! Nobody cares about you. Nobody wants you around them, much less walking so close to them. I mean, I’m basically gagging on your perfume.”

  I hear her grimace before she reacts, “Colby wants me close to him. He may not now because you’re filling that void. But he did at the bonfire. He kissed me and he liked it. You’re just a temporary fix. But now that he knows what it’s like to kiss a real woman, he’ll get tired of you. Just like your…”

  My head snaps around as I stop dead in my tracks. “I suggest you shut your fucking mouth if you know what’s good for you.” She doesn’t blink. Good, glad I got her attention. “And for the record, Dusty saw you kiss Colby and he also saw him throw your filthy ass off of him. So don’t feed me those bullshit lies. No one’s falling for them. Now excuse us, we’re hungry.”

  Grabbing Colby’s hand in mine I pull slightly urging him forward. I hear Brittani running her mouth behind me. Turning around, I see Logan walk up behind her and put his arm around her shoulder. They both make me want to barf. He’s only cool and normal when he isn’t around his stick-up-the-ass friends, which is…umm…only at the center.

  “Hey, Grant,” Logan yells from behind us, referring to Colby by his last name.

  “Don’t do this here; please, not on campus. I don’t want you getting expelled before classes even start,” I beg.

  Huffing, Colby acts like the bigger man of the two and doesn’t respond. We just walk off, ignoring the two idiots behind us.

  When we’re far enough away, Colby asks, “Do you have a black belt?” Is he serious?

  “Umm, no, why?” I look confused.

  “Because I was scared you were going to rip her extensions out, and people with black belts go to jail for that shit,” he winks.

  Leave it to him to bring me back to reality and put a smile on my face. We make it to the cafeteria and eat lunch and then meet up with Dusty to catch a movie. Luckily, there is a small theater on campus. They don’t play new releases, but the movies are still pretty much newer and the tickets are only a dollar. As Colby and Dusty laugh their asses off, my mind is elsewhere. Why does she have to bring him up every time we argue? Okay, maybe she didn’t say it, but I know where she was going. It’s the same spiel every time we exchange words. What happened between our parents is in the past. She better leave it there if she knows what’s good for her. I may not be a black belt, but I can surely kick her ass.

  BRITTANI IS LIKE the Evil Queen and Lord Voldemort all wrapped into one, except instead of a magic mirror or just magic in general, she has the power of bitchiness. Trust me, it’s more of a curse, but I’m sure she deems otherwise. Honestly, I didn’t even know someone could be so cruel to others, and it doesn’t matter who you are. If you’re not in her inner circle, she is a furious bitch. Thinking she would ever change would be like wishing for pigs to fly. Face it – it’s never going to happen.

  I, on the other hand, am like a mix between Snow White and Harry Potter. She’s my arch-nemesis in every way, shape, and form. It’s been that way since we were kids – since my stupid father made the biggest mistake of his life, which in return caused a royal kink in mine.

  We were nine, and we were best friends, more like sisters. Our parents weren’t that close, but they made sure to do barbecues and little get-togethers occasionally so we could hang out more. I remember she even had a My Little Pony toothbrush at my house.

  My mom has always resented the fact that she got knocked up when she was in college. She’s resented him, my dad, for their irresponsibility. Because if they never had me, she’d probably have her face plastered on some billboard in Times Square as we speak. She’s more than good; her voice is perfection. The pitch and tone that comes naturally to her is something artists strive for every day. Her dream was crushed because I was born. Living with that, harboring those feelings without an outlet, wasn’t a good idea. My parents fought a lot when I was younger, and one day I guess my dad couldn’t handle it anymore. He found his solace in Brittani’s mom.

  Their affair went on for about six months, until one day Brittani caught them. She tattled what she saw to her father, and since then, she’s hated me. Holding a grudge the size of Mt. Rushmore for something I had no control over, I swear she made a pact with herself to make my life a living hell. And she did for a while – until Dusty moved to town. At first she would tease him too. I mean, even when we were younger you could tell he was different, a little gentler than the other boys on the playground. We made the perfect pair. Our little outcast group was founded, and since then, we’ve been inseparable. Bound by something awful, our friendship blossomed, and I can honestly say I am thankful for her deserting me. If she never pushed me out of her life, I’m scared to say I might be just like her. Could you imagine that? I sure as hell can’t. Just the tho
ught makes me want to hurl.

  My mom ended up taking my dad back. She couldn’t raise me alone, being a single parent with no prior work history. Both of her parents were already dead and Dad made the money, which she needed for food and rent. It was either forgive him for his faults, or…I don’t even want to think about the alternative. I was too young to know better, or really grasp what was going on. As I grew, they fell back in love and Mom acted like it never happened. She went back to college and got her nursing degree. Looking back, I wonder if she only went back to school so she wouldn’t have to rely on him anymore, but it’s like she just blocked out what happened. I wish it were that easy for me too. Instead I was reminded in the hallways nearly every day. Even at our high school graduation Brittani made sure to rub it in my face. So I’d be damned if she was about to out me in front of Colby. I mean, honestly I don’t care if he knows, and eventually I plan on telling him. It’s more the fact that she’s willing to go to that extreme just to embarrass me.

  Evil bitch.

  FRIDAY NIGHTS HAVE become my favorite time of the week. Thankfully the three of us were scheduled off work so we could play at a little bar in downtown Nashville. We’ve been practicing a lot so when a dude I met in my agriculture class said his uncle owned a bar, we were pumped to get an opportunity to play together. He told him about us, and he called the next day and invited us to play a few sets that following Friday. Leaving out the part that none of us were twenty-one yet, we didn’t get carded because we were the entertainment.