A Graceful Mess Read online

  “Then tell me why you don’t want us to be together. All we do when we see each other is have sex. Is that all I am to you, some girl you fuck when your dick is hard?” Reaching up with my hand I cradle her face. My fingers rest on her soft cheeks as I hold her head firmly in place.

  “Don’t you ever talk about yourself like that again, do you hear me? You know damn well I don’t think of you like that, or at least you should. Or is that really all you think you are is some cheap skank I met at a bar and screwed a couple of times?” Her silence answers my question.

  “That’s fucking great, Grace.” She flinches as I jump up off of the bed and pace my bedroom.

  What the fuck?

  Does she honestly not know how much I care about her? For Christ’s sake, I took a bullet trying to protect her! Sobs catch in her throat making her choke. Pinching the bridge of my nose I know what I have to do.

  “Grace…”

  “Stop calling me that! You never call me Grace. Not once, not ever, and now it’s Grace this, Grace that!” Her petite body slinks down into the bed as she covers her face with a pillow.

  “I love you, sweetheart. Okay? Do you hear me or are you even listening? I fucking love you, Grace. I probably have since the night I first laid eyes on you.” I omit the part where I first saw her beautiful face in a manila folder at my office.

  Her crying stops and I can tell she is holding her breath. I am too, if we’re being honest. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders to say those words out loud. Slowly she sits up. I wish I could say she looked happy, ecstatic maybe, but really she looks like she is about to bite my head off and hand it to me on a silver platter. As she moves to the end of the bed on her knees, I walk over to stand in front of her. Opening her mouth, she starts to talk, but then stops. Shutting her eyes, she bites her lower lip.

  “You love me, do you? You love me enough to leave me, on, not one, but two occasions without so much as a proper goodbye? Do you know what kind of hell I have been through? Well, let me fill you in. That son of a bitch, who shot you, got me pregnant, and you want to know the worst part, sweetheart? He fucking raped me over and over until the fetus died inside of me…” Tears stream down her face causing her to pause mid-sentence as she wipes them away with the back of her hand. “And then he tried to cut my own baby, my flesh and blood, out of me with a pocket knife. So, Parker, when you claim you love me, well, I’ve heard that line before, and it didn’t end so well.”

  Bile rises in my throat as her words slap me in the face. She doesn’t believe me and why would she? Brody royally screwed her up. Suddenly it all makes sense and I want to punch myself for not noticing it sooner. That night in the bar, that first time I met her, he was the creep watching her. The second time at Shameless, I thought I recognized the same dude, but I couldn’t recall from where. The third time, the hand that pulled the trigger, the man behind it had a tattoo across his fingers that read Grace. What a fucking idiot. How could I have been so blind, and how can I keep denying my feelings for her? She doesn’t deserve that, especially not after the hell she has been through. I remember her talking about an ex-boyfriend that was a total douchebag before, but she didn’t really give me any details. I would have never imagined she would be harboring all of this screwed up shit. No wonder she doesn’t believe I love her. Every man she has ever known has deceived her in one way or another. Mark Jacobs gave her away, Mr. Clearwater has been lying to her about being adopted, and now Brody, her psycho ex-boyfriend, tried to practically kill her – again.

  Why are you so fucking stupid, Parker? How could you keep pushing such a perfect woman away?

  Trying to protect her, I’ve caused her more pain. The worst part is I know I’m just going to hurt her like every other man she has ever known. Once she finds out who I am, and what I really do for work, she will hate me, but that’s a chance I’m going to have to take because I can’t continue to push her away.

  Raising my hand, I use the tips of my fingers to wipe away the tears that are streaming from her face. She lets me, which is a shocker. I figured she would swat my hands away the moment they touched her face. With both of my hands I hold her hand in front of me.

  “Grace Clearwater, I am in love with you. I’m sorry I’ve been a royal douche…”

  “Shh…it doesn’t matter. Whatever made you want to push me away, none of it matters. All that matters is you and I, right here, right now. Make me forget about all the bad, Parker. Help me forget, please.”

  His lips crush into mine. It’s like my mind turns off. The pain, the anger, it all disappears as our mouths become one. Pushing me backwards he starts to shed his clothes in a frantic hurry. I catch him wincing a few times from the pain in his shoulder, but it doesn’t slow him down. Climbing on top of me, he puts his index finger and middle finger into my mouth. I know what he is doing; he has done it before. I suck on them, just enough so they are wet enough to rub on my core. Little does he know I am already horny and ready to go. Without warning he shoves the two fingers I just sucked into me.

  “Ahh…” He isn’t being gentle, but it doesn’t hurt. It turns me on more than I think it should. The look he has on his face and the glow in his eye is screaming with a yearning to be inside me. His fingers pump into me at a rapid pace until I feel like I am coming unglued. My hands grip the covers as my body bends and arches with pleasure.

  “Parker, I’m going to come!” His fingers pull out of me suddenly right before my release and I am left panting and begging for more. Making eye contact again, I am reminded of our little argument and I know that he did it out of spite. That’s fine. I’m mad too. I’m hurt and sad and angry. I push myself up on my knees and bring my hand up to push his body back. I forget about his shoulder in the heat of the moment, and he grabs my hand right before it connects with his chest.

  “Easy, sweetheart, you don’t want me to have to tie you up.”

  Is he joking?

  I doubt it, and honestly right now I think I would let him. I don’t know why I am so turned on by that. It’s like I want to be bossed around and treated like the tramp I claimed he treated me as. I do like it and two can play this game. Pushing my limits, I raise my hand again and act like I am going to push him backwards. His hand flies up and grabs me around the wrist, and before I know it I am lying backwards on the mattress. Staring up at him, he has a grin on his face. He likes this. This is what he meant when he talked about playing games. I vaguely remember the conversation, but I do remember him talking about some woman he used to play them with.

  Okay, I’ll play.

  “I’m not afraid of you. Just like I’m not afraid of Brody anymore. If you want me, you know you can take me, but if you want me to fight, I can do that too.” He looks shocked. Honestly, I am too by the words that just came out of my mouth. I feel like these desires have been hidden deep down within me and his sudden sexual taunting unleashed the inner me, one that even I am stunned to hear. The adventurous woman who just spoke wants him to take control. At least then, I won’t have to think.

  “You want to fight?” His voice is harsh as he peers down at me with a clenched jaw. Oh, no, maybe I shouldn’t have tempted him. It’s like holding a juicy steak out in front of a hungry Rottweiler. It’s something that no one in their right mind should ever do. That’s about how I feel right now as he stares down at me with a wicked look on his face.

  “Umm, not necessarily, but if that’s what we need to do to hash out this little situation, I suppose we can.”

  “Lie on your stomach. Now.” Doing as instructed, I flip from my back to my stomach. My head is to the side. I don’t think he notices I am looking at him, but I watch him as he looks me over, from my toes back up to my head, and then tilts his head back, all the while stroking his penis.

  “Close your fucking eyes and put your butt in the air. That’s good. Now spread your legs apart, just a little bit. Can you reach your pussy?”

  “Yes…yes I can.”

  “Then what
are you waiting for? Touch it.” The sternness and raspy tone in his voice is doing something to my libido. Even though I feel a little bit frightened, I know he would never intentionally hurt me. So I do my best to mask my fear. Rubbing my fingers in circles on my clit I can feel Parker planting small kisses on my legs and butt. He stops as his fingers hover right over my back door.

  Oh, no.

  “You are so fucking sexy, Grace, your little body and those perky tits. Do you know what you do to me? And here you are with your ass in the air, an ass that is begging me to take it. Do you want that? Do you want me to fill you and then take you there?” My eyes widen as I stare at the wooden headboard in front of me. I know the there he is talking about, and I know for certain I never ever want anyone to take me there, but I don’t admit that. Instead I lie.

  “Yes, Parker. I want you to.” Trying to hide the quiver in my voice, I clear my throat. He notices. One hand holds my stomach as the other grabs my hip and flips me over. Now I am lying on my back again, facing him.

  “You would let me do that?” I nod my head up and down.

  “You trust me enough to let me do that, but you don’t believe I love you?”

  Taking his face in my hands like he did mine only moments ago, I whisper, “It’s not that I don’t believe you. I want to believe you, trust me I do, because I know how I feel about you. It’s just that you keep pushing me away. How could you love someone and push them away at every chance?”

  “I’m pushing you away because I love you. There are things you don’t know about me, sweetheart. I just want to keep you safe.”

  “Parker, I am safe.” I place the palm of my hand over his heart. “My heart is safe with you. I just want you to man up and take it. I love you too. I can’t believe you are too blind to see that. ”

  Something in the air shifts as those three magic words leave my mouth. He grabs my face and kisses me hard and then slows down his pace. Being extra gentle he lays me back and slides into me. Parker Porter claims me – mind, body, and soul. It feels kind of surreal, but this is love, and this is lovemaking. This feeling is something I never experienced with Brody. At the time I thought I did. Sure, I thought I was in love, but this, this feeling, is nothing compared to what Brody and I had. Whatever Parker is trying to protect me from, he will have to try even harder now, because there is no going back from this.

  Holding her body in my arms after making love, I know she is mine. I knew it was only a matter of time. I only had so much willpower to stay away and I didn’t know how much I hurt her by pushing her out of my life. If I had known how horrible she actually felt, I know without a doubt there would be no way I could have done it.

  We leave everything in that moment. The hurt, confusion, and pain Brody caused us both. Sex isn’t the right word to describe what just happened. She marked me and I marked her; there is no going back from this. And to think she would have let me take her in no man’s land is a huge fucking turn on. Not the fact of actually doing it; it’s, well, it’s okay, but not my favorite. It’s more the fact that she would trust me that much. That speaks volumes.

  My hand strokes her blonde hair as she cuddles next to my good shoulder. I don’t think she is sleeping, but neither one of us moves. I can’t believe that shit she said about Brody. He is truly a sick fuck, and here is Grace, my jaded girl, who survived his hand, not once but twice now.

  “I think Josie needs to go outside. Do you hear her whining?” Grace giggles.

  “Shit. Hold on just a sec.” Jumping up, I slide on my basketball shorts and grab my gun, then open the door and walk down the hallway. For some reason I have a strange feeling in my gut. Trying to shake it, I notice the sun is shining and for the first time in a few days I feel like all is right with the world. Other than Brody being missing, everything seems perfect. Josie does her business as I stand on the back porch.

  “Good girl. You wanna treat? That a girl. Chew it up good this time. I don’t want you getting sick.” She wags her tail and I pat her head and then walk back towards my woman in my bed. I open the door and feel my stomach immediately bottom out, dropping straight to the floor. Standing behind Grace, with his hand clamped over her mouth, is Brody.

  How did he get in here?

  He must have been here the whole fucking time. I move my hand behind my back and feel the gun secured by my pants. He doesn’t have a weapon, at least not one that I can see.

  “I wouldn’t do that if I were you. You see our Gracie here is a little whore. You’re not the first guy she has fucked and then left, and you won’t be the last. Well, actually you will be, because I’m going to kill her. Just like I did our child. And you’re going to watch. And then I’m going to kill you.” His words sting me, but his threats don’t scare me. I have the advantage here. This is my house and that is my girl. Raising my gun from my pants, I casually click the safety off. I’m not planning on using it, but I will if I have to. He eyes me as his head tilts to the side. If he thinks I’m kidding, he has another thing coming.

  “You know the difference between you and me, Brody?” He doesn’t answer. Grace’s eyes widen and she squeals under his hand that is still covering her mouth.

  “The difference is, I am one step ahead of you. And my little Gracie is a very, very smart woman. You see, she saw you following her when she left her parents’ house and just like the stalker you are, you took the bait. Right now there are half a dozen police officers waiting outside. Go ahead; look out that window behind you. No? You don’t want to see your destiny waiting to haul you away back to jail? I didn’t think so. Guys like you don’t deserve girls like Grace, because she is all woman. Trust me, I would know. Well, I guess since you have been here the whole time, you not only heard her telling me how much she hated you, but you also saw me claiming her. She is mine now.”

  My words are meant to hurt him. The pain he caused her is one hundred times worse than the throbbing in my shoulder. His face turns pale and his jaw clenches, but he doesn’t move. Using our sexual acts as a pawn to distract him and hopefully get him pissed off enough to let go of Grace and come after me, I keep going.

  “Now where were we? Oh, yeah, Grace was blowing me and then…wait did you hear her? She is a naughty little thing, isn’t she?”

  There’s a loud bang in the living room. Brody steps away from Grace and braces himself on the wall. Assuming the cops have busted in the house he flinches, waiting. Grace runs over to my side and positions her small, naked body behind mine. There isn’t much I can do with my fucking shoulder messed up to protect her, but my gun will. A few seconds later Carson walks through the bedroom door holding the pain medication I sent him to pick up from the pharmacy hours ago.

  “Holy shit, bro. What’s going on?”

  “Carson, are all the cops ready to come get this piece of shit?” He looks wary but notices my grin.

  “Yeah. Everyone is ready and they’re itching, waiting for this sorry ass bastard.” Brody drops to his knees surrendering to our will. Before I know it Grace runs over to his side. In one quick motion her leg is in the air and connects with his face, causing him to fall to the ground. My eyes watch her every move making sure he doesn’t fight back as she climbs on top of him and starts punching him. I look over at Carson, we make eye contact, and he knows he needs to look away. Her naked body sits on top of Brody as her fist connects with his face over and over. I didn’t peg her to be a fighter, but she isn’t holding back.

  “Gracie, it doesn’t have to be this way. Baby, I am so sorry. I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused you. Fucking stop hitting me!” Brody’s voice chants over and over, like his sudden apology is going to make up for all the shit he’s already caused. He doesn’t fight back, which surprises me. Carson and I stand and watch her for a few seconds. She needs to get her anger out. Standing up she gives him one last blow in the stomach with her foot, and then she bends down and spits in his face. The act of spitting in someone’s face alone is the worst thing you can do, but this dude deserves fa
r worse.

  Brody starts to laugh. Carson and I brace ourselves. We don’t know what this man has up his sleeve. He looks at me and back at Grace as he starts to stand up and stagger towards her. Moments before he reaches her, I cock my gun and pull the trigger. A single bullet flies out of it and enters his abdomen. Watching him fall backwards, I ruminate the feeling of being shot only days prior, but I have zero remorse for him. Grace screams as she drops to her knees and Carson shouts in disbelief at the sight in front of him. My jaw clenches knowing I had no other choice. There is no way in hell I would ever let him put his hands on her again.

  Brody holds his stomach as blood pools on the carpet around him. I feel an urge to end him. Not only am I pissed that he shot me, I am angry at what Grace shared with me earlier. How could anyone ever hurt her like that? I run towards him and kick him in the stomach. His body lurches forward from the impact as he screams in pain.

  I feel two strong hands brace my arms. I know it’s Carson.

  “Carson, go call the police.” My voice sounds calmer than it should be for having just shot someone. From the corner of my eye I see Carson move in front of me and bend down towards the window Brody is lying under.

  “You sorry son of a bitch!” His fist rises seconds before it flies into Brody’s cheek. “That’s for shooting my fucking brother, you asshole!” He coughs up more blood, and I know this has gone on long enough.

  “Carson, back up, go into the kitchen and call 911. Right now!”

  He stands up and wipes his bloody fist off on his pants, then turns and walks away. Moving over to Brody I bend in front of him so we are eye to eye. The sound of Grace crying behind me breaks my heart, but knowing what this piece of shit did to her breaks my heart even more. I quickly grab my shirt off of the floor and throw it in her direction. She doesn’t need to be naked when the cops arrive.