In the Lyrics Page 21

“To the studio,” I say.

  “SO THIS IS IT.” I wave around the empty studio, thanking God that no one is here.

  “It looks just like I thought it would. Do you like it?”

  Confused I answer, “Sure. It’s nice.”

  “I mean, do you like being here, making music?”

  Do I tell him that I love it more than anything in this world? That being here has been amazing so far? That being away from him doesn’t matter, because I’m here doing what I love? To tell him those things would break his heart, so I tell him a half truth. “I do. It’s been awesome coming here, into the studio, and singing. It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced knowing that someone, the label, believes in me.”

  The sound of the door opening draws both of our eyes to its frame. “I do believe in you,” Michael says as he walks into the small studio. “Mr. Grant, it’s nice to see you again.”

  IT’S LIKE A flashback as Michael stands before me telling Hensley that he believes in her. His words make me want to puke as he feeds her what she wants to hear. I know I didn’t come here to argue or fight, but hearing him talk makes my blood boil.

  “It’s nice, huh, Colby?” Michael asks.

  “Yup,” I quickly say not sparing another ounce of energy to talk to his ass.

  Hensley nudges my side, “Don’t be rude, babe.”

  “Why don’t you go in the booth, son? Get a feel for it. You never know, Smashtown might need another male singer in the future.”

  Is this dude for real? He’s going to do this, right here, right now?

  “I’m good, man. I think we were just about to head home. We’ve had a long day.” I grab Hensley’s hand.

  “Oh, don’t be a baby. This might be your only opportunity. Show me that I wasn’t making a mistake offering you a contract,” he smirks.

  The room goes silent and my anger flares. Who does he think he is mentioning that in front of Hensley? Did he just assume that I told her, that she was his second choice? I would never fucking do that to her, and I’ll be damned if he is going to run his mouth about it right now.

  “Shut the fuck up, man,” I shout as I lurch towards him.

  “Colby!” Hensley yells, but it doesn’t stop me. Even if she tried, I doubt she’d be able to right now.

  Pushing Michael into the wall of the studio, I feel like I could rip his head off. “You sorry motherfucker, you better shut your damn mouth if you know what’s good for you.”

  Opening his mouth, he fights for air as my hands press harder against his chest.

  “You didn’t tell her, did you?” he probes with a cocky grin on his face, one that says he knows exactly what he is doing.

  I see red.

  “Colby, what didn’t you tell me? What contract is he talking about?” Hensley demands with questions I never thought I’d have to answer, because she would have never known about his lame ass offer.

  My teeth clench together as I try to control my anger. I flew out here to be with my girlfriend, not to beat an old man up. “Please leave,” I politely demand under my breath. “I’m asking nicely so I can patch up the damage you undoubtedly just caused. Just walk out the door, and don’t look back.”

  I take a deep breath and then let up on the pressure I have on his chest. His jaw clenches as he looks past my shoulder towards Hensley, and then he takes a step towards the door. And he doesn’t look back.

  Reaching out and grabbing my arms, Hensley hugs me, but I don’t move. I can’t. I’m scared if I do, this life we’ve created, this relationship, will crumble. Because once I tell her the truth about Smashtown, I’m scared she’ll hate me for keeping it from her.

  “I want to know what he meant, please,” she begs.

  Grabbing her hand, I turn off the light switch and usher her out the door. “I don’t want to do this in this fucking studio. Let’s go back to your place, and we’ll talk.”

  The silence that lingers between us as we drive through traffic makes me wish I would’ve never even flown out here. If I would’ve just stayed back in Nashville, we wouldn’t be about to have this conversation.

  Parking the car, we walk inside and before the door shuts, Hensley says, “Speak and don’t leave out any details.” Her tone sounds madder than it did in the studio.

  Not sparing any, I tell her the truth, from the beginning. My palms sweat as I admit that Smashtown offered me a contract to join their label, but I turned it down.

  “So what you’re saying is you gave your contract up to be with me?”

  I’m glad that’s the part she heard. Maybe she’ll forget the part where I blatantly lied to her about it. Hopefully, she’ll see that I did it for us.

  “Yes, and I’d do it again to be with you.”

  Coughing she tries to act like she isn’t sniffling, but I hear her loud and clear, “I was second best. That night, they were there for you, weren’t they?”

  Confessing, I nod my head and confirm her question. “Yes, but I didn’t know it was just for me. I swear. I tried my best to showcase how good we all were. We were an amazing trio. You know that just as well as I do. I tried to tell them, but they wouldn’t listen. They offered me a spot with their label and I turned it down. Before I knew it, you were rushing in telling me that they signed you. Hensley, you should have seen the look in your eyes. You were so fucking excited. How could I burst your bubble and tell you you were their second pick? I couldn’t, so I didn’t, and if I had to rewind time, I still wouldn’t tell you. Look around, look at this condo, the car you’re driving, the music you’re making. You love it, and I love you enough to be stuck back in Nashville, just so you can be here.”

  “The thing is, Colby, we weren’t a trio. Yes, for a little bit we were making music together, but this was my dream, long before you came into the picture. We weren’t ever a package deal, but if I would have known that you turned them down for me, I might have considered it too. I might not have just agreed to sign with them, had I known. Now I’ve been sitting here for three entire months beating myself up about boarding that plane. You think that it didn’t hurt me to leave you? It killed me, it still kills me, but knowing that you lied hurts worse. I decided to leave when I didn’t have all the details. You decided to lie, when you did.”

  Tears stream down her face as she bends to sit on the corner of the couch.

  “Hensley, listen to me. I love you so much. I flew all the way out here to be with you, not to make you cry. I’m sorry, okay? Is that what you want to hear? Michael is a tool. He’s a sneaky, little bitch, but he isn’t going to ruin us. The distance hasn’t, the time apart hasn’t, and he isn’t going to be the one thing that drives a wedge between us. Don’t let him be.”

  “Colby, I love you too, and I’m glad you came. But I think you should leave.”

  I feel like all of the air in my lungs has been sucked out of me.

  “You want me to leave? Are you kidding? I’m pouring my soul out to you. I’m telling you the truth and you want me to leave?”

  I’ve seen Hensley angry one time. One time we screamed at one another like children, but this, this argument is much, much worse.

  “You lied to me. Not once have I ever lied or kept anything from you. I appreciate it, okay? I’m thanking my fucking stars that gave up your record deal so I can be here. I get what you did was the most selfless gesture one could make, just so we could be together, but look around, Colby. We’re not together. I haven’t seen you in three months, we barely have time to talk, and I’m lonely all the time. And it’s all because you lied. Maybe you should have… maybe you should have taken their offer and left.”

  I don’t understand where all of this is coming from, or why she is so upset. It seems as if she’s mad that she’s here, that she took the deal, but I don’t know why.

  “Sunshine, don’t do this. Remember we’re like Tim and Faith. You said it yourself. We can make it through anything.”

  Sighing, she takes her phone out of her pocket and dials a number. “I’ll need a
cab please…”

  Rambling off her address, my heart breaks in two. She’s kicking me out? Dropping to my knees, I beg her not to do this, through the sobs that escape my mouth and the tears that freely fall down my cheeks. I beg like a fucking, little bitch in hopes that she will see how sorry I am. In the hope that she’ll put down the phone and pretend this never happened.

  “Hensley Elaine, I get that you’re mad. Let’s just sleep on this. We can talk in the morning. Please don’t do this. Don’t do this to us. It’s not worth it. Michael and this label aren’t worth losing us over.”

  “I think we lost us the moment I left. I had so much faith that we could make it through anything, but not when you’ve been lying this entire time. I can’t face that fact. What if you took their offer? You’d be here and I’d be at home. I know this doesn’t make sense. I’m just….I’m so confused. I don’t know what’s real or how I should feel. And I know I’m selfish for taking their offer without any reservations. Maybe that’s the real issue. Maybe I’m too disgusted with myself. I don’t deserve someone who did something so selfless. I failed us. It’s my fault, and I’ll accept that blame. But I can’t do it with you sleeping by me. I can’t do it with you in my home or in my life. I don’t deserve you.”

  I crawl on my knees the rest of the way towards her and kneel in front of her. Reaching up, I grab her face with my hand. “This is real. Our love, it’s real. Because I turned down Smashtown, you’re here, and that’s real. But pushing me away isn’t going to help. You’re still going to be sitting here, thinking, questioning yourself, wishing we would’ve handled this argument differently. Once I leave, if you kick me out, I won’t be here when you realize you made a mistake. You’re angry, I get that. You feel guilty you took them up on their contract, I get that too. I almost did, but the difference between the two of us, the only difference was I thought we were a package deal. It’s Colby and Hensley against the world, remember? Now please call them back and cancel the cab.”

  The sound of someone knocking on the door feels like someone gripping my heart and squeezing it.

  “Please, just go. I just need some time to think through all of this. I can’t…I can’t think clearly with you around. I can’t look into those eyes and see the reflection of myself right now.”

  I tilt her head to the side and kiss the top of her head and then grab my bag and walk out the door.

  Fuck you, Michael!

  I DON’T KNOW what came over me that night, but I wish I could go back and change it. Change things I said, how I acted. Things could have been different. I should have listened to him and cooled down before making such an important decision. It was the last time that I talked to Colby, the last time that I felt alive from someone’s touch. Since that night things haven’t been the same for me. I get up and do my daily routines, but I’m not really here. A small part of me died the day he walked out the door. The door I opened.

  Dusty has been my only real outlet, but even he seems distant. Colby had to have filled him in on our little situation, but it’s weird to see him pick sides. Especially when it isn’t my side he chooses. It’s strange because there was no actual break-up conversation, no more conversation at all. We both just kind of went our separate ways. The stupid part is I have a thousand unanswered questions roaming my mind. If I would have just calmed down, I could have asked them then. Instead I acted like a complete bitch and lost my boyfriend in the process. I was just so ashamed of myself, and pissed off for making such a rash decision and not even caring about his feelings, that I pushed him away.

  The weeks since he left have been awful and the label has been on my ass to pull myself together. So tonight I’m here, pulling myself back together and doing what I love, what I chose over the real thing.

  “I’d like to thank y’all for coming out tonight and allowing me to perform for you! It’s been a roller-coaster of fun since I was asked to open for Broken Roads, but like all good things, tonight must come to an end. So I’ve got one more song for ya and then I’d like to welcome my friends from BR!”

  The sound of hundreds of screaming fans in the crowd never gets old. So they paid to see someone else perform, it’s still a sweet sound. Closing my eyes, the music starts. The tempo is slow and then picks up after the first verse.

  The beauty of being signed with someone is that I never have to make any decisions. That’s also the downfall. The songs I sing aren’t songs I’ve written. Hell, most of the time, I don’t even know the person behind the lyrics. Some stranger from Ohio wrote them for all I know. It’s annoying, and frankly, I’ve grown to have a love-hate relationship with Smashtown Records.

  I’m still me – the girl from a small town in Tennessee, the girl who loves to sit and write songs for hours on end. I told Robert that when it’s my turn to be in the limelight, there’s no freaking way I’m going to be singing songs someone else wrote. His response was, “Yeah, okay. We’ll see what we can work out.” That’s always what people from the label are saying.

  As the song comes to an end, the crowd cheers, and I am ushered off stage. Will, Broken Roads’ lead singer, tells the crowd what a pleasure it has been working with me, and then introduces his band members. Most of the time I don’t stick around and listen, but tonight I have nothing else to do. So instead of sitting on the stinky bus waiting to head back to California, I watch Will entertain his crowd. I had never heard of a gay, male country singer, other than Dusty. It was refreshing to meet Will and his band. He’s been very welcoming, and has taught me a lot of valuable lessons.

  A burly arm comes up from behind me and wraps around my waist. Startled, I turn. “Just like the first night we met, you were about to shank me,” Robert jokes reminding me of that night.

  “I would have, you know?”

  “I have no doubt, crazy girl. Listen, I was trying to find you, but you weren’t on the bus. Do you have some time to come meet with me? There are some important decisions that need to be made.”

  Important decisions?

  “Yeah, of course I have time. Do you mind if I go change and then I’ll meet you?”

  “Oh, yeah. Will and I will come find you after he’s done.” A security officer ushers him backstage.

  Heading back to the bus, I change out of my imitation faded denim jeans and into my jeans from home. Throwing on a tank top and my boots, I feel more comfortable as I walk down the steps. Dialing my parents’ number, I press call. My mom answers and I’m excited to talk to her. I tell her about tonight’s show, and how there were actual fans that wanted my autograph.

  “That’s wonderful, baby,” she says, and I can almost picture her face as she beams from my words.

  “How’s Dad doing?” I wait nervously for her response.

  “Hanging in there, Hens,” she admits, and it makes me wary.

  “Can I talk to him?”

  A few seconds later, I hear some shuffling on the other end of the receiver and then my dad’s voice. “How’s my girl?” he asks, his voice hoarse and so low, it’s almost hard to hear him.

  “I’m great, Daddy,” I respond. It’s been a long time since I called him Daddy. I guess since before he cheated, but I know he needs to hear it now. We don’t know how much time he has left. I might as well make the conversations we do have worth it.

  I tell him everything I just told my mom until he starts to cough and Mom grabs the phone back.

  “Hey, honey. We gotta run, but call us soon, okay? Love you.” And then she hangs up.

  It’s hard being away from home. It’s like you start to forget what the people who used to be in your daily life looked like. It’s especially hard when your father is dying of cancer, but Mom’s reassured me a million times that I don’t need to come home. That my dad would rather me be out here, living my dream, than at home watching him suffer.

  Checking the time on the phone, I realize how long we’ve been talking, and when I look back up, my eyes spot Robert and Will walking towards me.

  “What a
show you put on!” Will grins as he and Robert near. I can tell he is excited and means it. That alone, the realness of his compliments, makes me happy.

  “Thanks, you weren’t so bad yourself,” I tease. We’ve grown to have a brother-sister relationship over the short time we’ve spent traveling the country together. He reminds me a lot of Dusty, which is one of the main reasons I feel at ease when I’m around him.

  “I wanted to talk to you both about something. Would you rather go to the hotel room or somewhere a little less private?” Robert asks, and Will and I both shrug in unison with curious expressions on our faces.

  “Here is fine,” I say as I open the door to the bus and we walk inside.

  Pulling a stack of papers out of his jacket pocket, Robert frowns, and my stomach hits the floor.

  If I would have known today would be the day my life changed drastically for the second time, I would have been able to prepare myself. Instead, as I sit and listen to Robert talk, my palms begin to sweat. Not from nervousness, but from pure excitement.

  WHO WOULD HAVE guessed that six months later, Will and I would be in Paris and part of a different label? Thinking back, our decision to branch off with Robert was the best one we both could have made. Smashtown was going bankrupt, and Robert was recruiting people to join his new solo label. It’s like a guardian angel was sitting on my shoulder that night he pulled Will and I aside.

  His words replay in my head, “I’m just going to be frank. This is what’s going on – either you can sink with the company and Michael, or you can come with me. I know this is a tough decision, so I’ll let you both have some time to think about it. But when we get back to Cali, if you could just keep this conversation between the three of us, I would appreciate it.”

  The drive back to LA was a long one and it gave me some much-needed time to think about my future. As much as I loved Smashtown, I hated Michael. I hated him for what he did to my relationship, and I hated him for being an asshole and acting like his shit didn’t stink. The decision was easy for Will. Yes, he had his band, but they were all starting families and planning to take time off. He said to me, “If you go. I’ll go. We started this tour together, and the way I see it you’re like my little sister now. If they’re really going under, there’s no way I want to be there to see what happens. Plus Michael’s a creep; we both know that.” It was then we agreed to ditch Smashtown, ditch Broken Roads’ band, and form our own duo.