A Graceful Mess Page 23

  Alexis and I have watched home videos of him and her. Sometimes I imagine it’s me running around, and he is chasing me. His voice is something I hope I never forget.

  The second time I ever saw Parker in a suit and tie was at our wedding. The day we said “I do” in front of our family and friends was one of the best days of my life. Having my sisters, Maci and Alexis, standing next to me was almost just as sweet. My father, the man I call “daddy,” gave me away that day. He and my mother bawled their eyes out as they sat in the front row. My twin brothers sat next to them making silly faces at me the whole time, and someone even caught it on camera. Those memories, those moments, they all led me here.

  I stare at my handsome husband for a few seconds longer.

  “Sweetheart, I see you in there ogling me. Now hurry your fine ass up!”

  The car ride to campus is quiet. I know Grace’s mind is probably going a hundred miles a minute, but all I can think of is pulling up her black little dress and filling her body with mine. She is stunning. Her blonde hair is pinned back, with small pieces curled around her face, and her lips are highlighted in a bright, red lipstick. “Temptations” or something is the name, I think. I only know because this morning while she was still sleeping I got up and wrote ‘Happy Graduation’ on the bathroom mirror, and then slid back into bed next to her for a few more hours of sleep. Her face lit up and she squealed as she ran out of the bathroom and jumped on the bed.

  Holding her in my arms, I closed my eyes and thanked God, yet again, for her forgiving nature. After her wreck a few years ago, when I thought I lost her, I knew I would never betray her again. Every day since then, I have tried my best to prove that to her. The day we took our wedding vows, and that night, was the first time I felt like I could relax, like she actually believed me and wouldn’t ever leave my side again. That night I made her mine, not that she wasn’t before, but that night was special. She could barely walk for the rest of our honeymoon, which was fine by me.

  “Are you getting nervous?”

  “Yes. You know I am, Parker.” She laughs and tries to hide her fear as I turn into the parking lot.

  “I could help you relax.”

  “Do I even want to know how?”

  “I’m sure you’d want to feel how. Climb on back there in the backseat. Let me fuck you into next week. That would surely cure these nerves you have. You know it would, sweetheart.”

  “You are crazy. We don’t have time!”

  “I’ll make it fast.”

  “You better make sure I come, or I’m going to be really mad.”

  “Yes, Mrs. Porter.” I drive around until I find a parking spot as far away from the auditorium as possible. As I give her a playful wink, she climbs into the backseat. Locking the doors, I climb over the seat too. The sight is mouthwatering. My beautiful wife lays sprawled in the back seat of our SUV, her black dress hiked up over her ass, and her red high heels sticking up in the air. In a frantic hurry I unzip my pants, as my hard cock prepares to fill my wife only moments before she walks across the stage to receive her diploma. This should ease her nervousness and take her mind off of anything other than the pure pleasure she is about to receive.

  Fiddling with my nameplate on my desk, I argue with the defendant’s lawyer about an ongoing vandalism case I have been working on for months. My fingers trace the raised outline of my name on the plaque in my hand, “Grace Porter, Attorney at Law.”

  “Listen, Ben, I’m sorry, but you know that I have a flight to catch today. Look, just fax me the revised documents and I will review them on the plane. Okay, sounds good, thanks.” Disconnecting the line, I shove the massive pile of papers into my briefcase and then prepare for one of the biggest days of my life.

  Walking into the lobby, I see my little sister, Alexis, flirting with the Panera Bread delivery guy. Coughing as I approach them, I grab her attention.

  “You think just because you’re my sister I can’t fire you?” I tease as the delivery guy takes the receipt she just signed and marches away.

  “And do you think just because you are the prettiest attorney in the state, you can intimidate me?”

  “Well played, Lexi. Listen, I have to meet Parker at the airport, so hold all of my calls, unless it’s my parents. I am sure they are just as nervous as we are about today.”

  “Okay, love you and good luck. You and Parker will be great. I know it and you know it, so don’t be nervous.” Leaning forward, she gives me a kiss on the cheek and then I make my way towards the elevator. I am so happy to have her in my life, and I am a bit surprised we have grown as close as we have so fast. She is a part of the family now, including Joseph and Karen’s. They accepted her, just like they accepted me. It’s nice knowing our family has overcome so much, and now we are tighter than ever, even after the whole adoption ordeal. Once my parents and I talked, I couldn’t really blame them for keeping it a secret. I only wish I didn’t find out like I did, but that’s life. Sometimes it smacks us in the face and catches us off guard.

  “Hey, sweetheart, are you ready to do this?” Parker asks as I get out of the car and walk towards him. The small jet owned by Porter & Sons is about to gain another heir to the family business.

  “I am so ready. I can’t wait to hold him. The pictures do not do him justice. I know it.”

  “I know. Let’s go get our little boy.”

  Boarding the plane, Parker grabs my hand and doesn’t let go until we are getting out of the cab in the city. My thoughts wander as my mind recalls the events that have led us here as I take my first step onto the sidewalk. To imagine my life without Parker isn’t a possibly my brain can even grasp, and knowing that he was almost taken away by Brody’s hand makes me feel lightheaded. Just the thought of his name still gets to me, even though I know there is no possible way he could ever hurt me or my family again. I remember the call like it was yesterday.

  Parker was packing my lunch because, as always, I was running late. Who would have guessed my punctual and anal behavior would have faded so fast? The phone rang as I was walking to the kitchen. Parker said hello and then his face turned as white as a ghost. That was the day Brody killed himself in prison. About a week later I was checking the mail and there was a letter in there with a stack of bills and other junk mail. Never once did I ever have the courage to read any of his letters. Although I got them almost as regularly as I got the electricity bill, but for some reason I felt drawn to open it. I waited until Parker had come home from the gym. He asked me countless times if I was sure I wanted to open it. I wasn’t a hundred percent, but I needed to know. After all he was gone. His words couldn’t hurt me anymore. I wouldn’t let them. Opening the letter I was shocked as my eyes skimmed the paper in front of me.

  Grace,

  I can’t look at myself in the mirror. I’m sick, but that is no excuse for the things I have done. I can’t live knowing you hate me. I’m sorry, Gracie.

  Goodbye.

  B

  That is the last memory I have of Brody Hendricks and the last time I would ever allow myself to think of him. Parker kissed me more passionately than he ever had that night, and then he took me and made me forget. When I woke up the next morning, the letter was gone and so was Brody’s memory.

  Parker nudges my arm breaking me from my daze. I read the sign in front of us, “Saint Vincent de Paul Orphanage for the Innocent.” The building is huge, and a little dark and dreary, I might add. Knowing I lived here, for even a short period of time, should make me nervous to go inside, but honestly it doesn’t. It makes me more eager to get inside and do what we came here to do.

  “Let’s go sign these papers and bring our baby home.”

  I love this man, and I will love this baby.

  Walking up the snow covered steps, I am reminded of the harsh winters we had in Maine when I was younger. A snowball flies in front of me as two older boys laugh and duck behind a bush. Turning back around, I see a little girl – she can’t be older than three – holding a nun�
�s hand. The other hand is close to her chest holding a small, white, stuffed rabbit. It looks like my childhood rabbit, Lucky. Thinking back to the comfort that stuffed animal brought me, I also remember things that my mind wouldn't allow me to over the past few years. Mother Helen gave me the rabbit, just like she gave all of the children here. Therapy has helped me tremendously, especially since I had an abundance of repressed memories. But looking into this little girl's eyes, I see myself, scared and alone, with only one possession to call my own...my stuffed rabbit.

  “Excuse me, ma’am,” the nun says as she passes by Parker and I. He nods and allows her to walk in front of us and up the steps. The little blonde haired girl turns around and smiles.

  “I’m Sophia,” she says with a smile and pure innocence that causes goosebumps to rise all over my body. I can feel Parker’s hand grasping mine tighter and tighter. He knows. He felt it too.

  The nun gives a weary smile and guides her through the door. Turning my head slightly so I can see Parker’s face, he is grinning from ear to ear. Out of all the places in the world, what are the chances that the day we come to adopt our first child, there would be a blonde named Sophia who is a spitting image of me as a child? Taking it as a sign, I have a feeling in my gut we will be becoming a family of four today, instead of the original planned three. We make our way to the office, where we are about to sign adoption papers and bring our sweet boy, Hayden, home.

  There was no talking things through, no long, drawn out discussion. After I graduated law school, we wanted to wait until my career was established. Mark left Alexis and I a good chunk of change in his will, and we split his life insurance money. While she can’t touch hers until she is twenty-one, I could. So we built a house on Parker’s land, paid off my student loans, and updated Parker’s cabin for my parents. The only other big purchase we made was building the gym. Parker splits his time between the office and running the gym now. He was my dream come true, even if I didn’t know at the time that I was wishing for him. It’s only fair he got to live his dream of opening a gym too.

  His parents decided it was best to move up here after things settled down. They hired a few more detectives to run the site in Alabama, and they have enjoyed living here the past few months. My brothers share a room and the cabin is big enough that they had one of the extra rooms made into a little boy’s nursery, for when Hayden stays over with them. When we decided we were ready to start a family, we knew what we needed to do. Adoption was our first choice. We may have more children in the future, and we're not opposed to having our own biological children, but if we could rescue a child and love a child the way my adoptive parents did with me, why not? Coming to peace with things that have happened wasn’t easy in the slightest, but it brought me here, and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the entire world.

  “All right, so here are the documents. I just need you both to sign each one and then date them. The funds have been received by our attorney, so this is the last little bit. Once this paperwork is complete, Hayden will become Hayden Porter.” A smile crosses my face although I still have a feeling of guilt that I just cannot seem to shake. Ever since that little girl said her name was Sophia, I felt, I don’t know, conflicted?

  “Wait, I’m sorry. Can we please have a minute alone?”

  “Yes, of course. This is a very, very big decision. Take all the time you need.”

  As soon as the door shuts, Parker is already on his phone. The best part is I know who he is calling.

  “Hey, Miles, it’s Parker Porter. We need some additional papers drawn up. Fast. Like in the next five minutes if that is possible. Her name is Sophia, and we would like to adopt her while we are here. Yes, she and Hayden will both be coming home with us. Yes, Miles I know. I will make arrangements for us to stay in town the rest of the week. One week, that’s it. I know we are good to go on Hayden, so I can’t imagine how much harder it is for you to make this happen with Sophia. Please just email me as soon as possible. Thank you.”

  Without words, he knew, just like he knows me from the inside out. Today he has made me the happiest woman in the world. Today he has made it possible for me to be a mother, to save these two adorable children’s lives, to love them the way I was loved. That’s the beauty of life though. You learn to love and then give love. It doesn’t always come easily, or it may come fast, but once you’ve loved, whether it be your partner or a child, there is no better feeling in the world. I love my husband with everything I am, and I will love these children just as much.

  Scrolling through my cell phone I send a quick text to Maci. I know she will have her hands full today preparing for the welcome home party, but she can handle it. After all, she and Ramsey have been juggling their own little rugrats for a while now.

  Please call the bakery and order another cake and push the party back a week.

  Parker grabs my hand as we both stare down at my phone, waiting for her response.

  Okay, does it need to say anything special? Wait…is everything okay with baby Hayden.

  My fingers pound away on the phone’s screen.

  He is fine, but we are…well, we need another cake that says “Welcome home, Sophia.”

  A few seconds pass, but it feels like hours until my phone buzzes in my hand.

  OMFG. Two?

  Parker and I both bust out laughing.

  Just tell my parents and Parker’s that we have a really big surprise for them.

  Looking over and staring at my husband’s handsome face and into his hazel eyes, I know we are ready to take this next step, and I know he is going to be an amazing father.

  Life hasn’t been easy, and I can’t see what the future holds, but I know as long as I have my family, we can make it through anything. Never in a million years would I have ever imagined I would be where I am today, and it all started that night at the bar, the night his hazel eyes undressed me. The happily-ever-after I sought, but knew I didn’t deserve was my own burden. I was tainted by Brody’s evil and had become a shell of the girl I once was. As I grew into adulthood, I remained hollow. I never thought true love existed. I never thought I would or could be freed from my past, but he did. Parker found a way into my heart and healed me. He taught me to let go, to love, to explore, and to be comfortable simply being me. In the process, looking back, I guess we healed each other. He wasn’t nearly as jaded as I was, but he had also been hurt before. Sometimes you don’t know how broken you once were, until you finally feel whole. Parker Porter filled a void I didn’t know I had. He completed me and made me whole, again.

  Staring into my adoring husband’s eyes, I know without a shadow of a doubt, he was worth the mess, even if the fall wasn’t graceful.

  Harder To Breathe – Maroon 5

  Wasting All These Tears – Cassadee Pope

  Let Me Love You – Mario

  Bed – J.Holiday

  Because Of You – Ne-Yo

  A Little Bit Stronger – Sara Evans

  I Wonder – Kellie Pickler

  When You’re Young – 3 Doors Down

  Differences – Ginuwine

  Good Girl Gone Bad – Rihanna

  Low – Kelly Clarkson

  Behind These Hazel Eyes – Kelly Clarkson

  Makin’ Good Love – Avant

  Tell Me It’s Real – K-Ci & JoJo

  Glass – Thompson Square

  Crazy B*tch – Buckcherry

  Sure Be Cool If You Did – Blake Shelton

  Your Body Is A Wonderland – John Mayer

  Broken – Seether

  Hey Girl – Billy Currington

  Over My Head – The Fray

  Everything Has Changed – Taylor Swift

  First and foremost I want to thank God for blessing me on this amazing voyage we call life. He has made all things possible and paved the way for my dream of publishing this book become a reality.

  Secondly, I want to thank my BFL girls. Without your support, brainstorming sessions, and amazing ninja beta reading skills, A Gra
ceful Mess would be a load of garbage. “Thank you” just doesn’t seem like enough. So I bought you all…new cars! Okay, that was a little extreme and I wish I could afford to do that, but I can’t. I can only hope that each and every one of you wonderful women know how much I truly appreciate the time you have each put into this novel. I know you all cherish AGM like it is your own and, in a way, it is. Thank you: Danielle Hoover, Emily Lamphear, Elle Wilson, Debi Barnes, Lea Marika, and last but certainly not least, Katie Mac.

  Thank you to my loving husband for putting up with the absence of me, again, as I worked on my second novel. Words cannot explain how much I appreciate you playing wife in our house and feeding me so I didn’t starve while writing. Every fictional male I write about has many of your attributes. You are my inspiration, and I love your sexy ass for it!

  Thank you to everyone who has been there and supported me throughout my writing journey. From my wonderful co-workers who lined up to buy my first novel and filled my heart with their caring words, to the many supporters I have met in the indie community and the amazing friendships that have stemmed from our conversations. I don’t know where to start to even prepare to give thanks to the amazing women who donate their time to blog, but a special thanks to all the bloggers who participated in my cover reveal and blog tour. Your dedication to AGM’s success makes me want to fist pump! With that said, I want to give a very, BIG, thank you to the ladies at Literati Book Reviews. LBR- You have my best interest at heart, and for that I adore you all. I have truly been blessed to be surrounded with such amazingly talented authors, bloggers, and readers. That is the best part about my job, so thank you for being there and even more for putting up with me!