In the Lyrics Read online

  “I swear that wasn’t me,” he blushes. It looks cute on him. Cute? What are you twelve? “You should really get some seat covers so people don’t get a complex from sitting in this beater,” he teases.

  “Hey, Betsy is a good car and she’s been there for me through a lot!”

  He snickers under his breath, “Maybe a lot of unneeded oil changes.”

  “Oh, whatever, she got us home, right?” He doesn’t answer. “Exactly! So leave my poor, innocent car out of this little noise scandal you’re trying to cover up.”

  Colby casually reaches across the small space between us, and pulls down the visor in front of me. The mood suddenly shifts from playful to serious. “Look at that smile.”

  Glancing up into the small, rectangular mirror, I see my face. My cheeks are red from laughing at him and have a faint black line on each of them, stained from my crying fit earlier. Raising my hand, I go to shut the visor, but Colby catches it, covering it with his own.

  “Don’t shut it. I want you to see how beautiful your smile is. That is when it actually graces us with its presence. I want you to see what the world sees. What I see.”

  My heart rate picks up and I can feel it pounding in my chest, like I just ran a marathon. “Oh yeah, and what exactly does the world see?”

  “Fishing for compliments, Sunshine?’

  “No!” Oh my God, how embarrassing. He actually thinks I’m that type of girl. Oh, good Lord. He thinks I’m Brittani!

  He slowly taps his forehead with the hand that isn’t holding mine. “If you remember, I said I was an expert fisherman. Good thing, huh?” I nod my head, speechless. “Maybe you haven’t been told enough how beautiful you are.” He reaches up and brushes a strand of dark hair off of my cheek. “Or how special you are, but trust me, Hensley, the world sees it, even if you don’t.”

  God must have spent a little more time on him, or they train their boys right in Texas. If I weren’t sitting, I know my knees would fail me. Without warning, he leans forward and kisses me. It’s a slow, sensual kiss, the one that little girls dream about. My mind doesn’t have time to react as one of his hands holds the side of my face and the other snakes around my neck. It’s like a kiss you see on TV. Where the alpha male is in charge of the situation and the inexperienced woman allows him to lead. It’s exactly how it is on TV, and strangely I don’t mind. Letting myself feel anything is foreign to me. I’ve kept up a wall so high no one could scale it and make me feel things, make me feel like this. But as his tongue parts my lips and enters, the warmth, the caring caresses of his hands in my hair, all of it makes me want to rent a bull dozer from Home Depot and tear down the damn wall myself. The reality is no one has ever tried to climb it. No one has ever stuck around and stood with their fingers crossed behind their backs, hoping that one day maybe I’d let my guard down. But Colby did just that. He’s called me out, given me hell right back, and now he’s basically standing there with his sledgehammer and an accomplished smile on his face.

  As I kiss him back, I lose the part of me that’s been scared to feel anything. Because surely if his kisses do this, make me feel like it’s okay to actually feel anything at all, the crumbled stone surrounding my feet is worth it.

  When his lips leave mine, I feel like I’ve just made the biggest decision of my life. I, Hensley Elaine Bradley, am going to live for today and not fear what tomorrow brings. Even if that means I’ll be stuck in this town, I find comfort in knowing that Colby will be here too. At least for the next two years as we both finish up our college education. I guess we’ll see what happens then.

  WE WALK TOWARDS the apartment door in silence, but I can see a small grin spreading on Hensley’s lips. It makes my heart beat a little faster knowing that I put it there. I don’t know what it is about this girl that draws me to her. Even before I knew she had a barrier taller than the Great Wall of China is long around her heart, I still felt like there was something else there. It wasn’t even the whole ‘you want what you can’t have’ thing, because I felt attracted to her way before I knew she was extremely guarded.

  It was in the moment that I saw her on the street corner, guitar perched on her lap, eyes so hungry with need to please her crowd. I knew then, in that very moment, that I had to have her despite the cost. Maybe it’s knowing that there is a woman out there that has my same ambitions, who shares my same dreams, or maybe it was her voice that sang out and touched me like no one’s voice ever has. Now that I am getting to know her, and from the little bits of information Dusty has told me, I know she wants out of this town. What I don’t know is why, and truthfully, after that kiss, I want to be the reason she stays. I don’t know how long I’ll be here. Hopefully I’ll get some record label to notice me, but until then, she’s the only one I want noticing me.

  Before we make it to the door, it swings open. Standing with his hands on his hips, Dusty gloats, “Well, I’m glad to see that you two are getting along better.”

  “Me too,” I whisper as I slide by him in the doorframe. Turning around discreetly, I see him stick his arm out, blocking Hensley’s way in. Deciding it’s best not to stick around and look like the nosy new roommate, I walk into my room and grab my shower stuff then head to the bathroom.

  Reaching, I turn on the faucet, and then bend to take off my boots and undress. Steam slowly starts to fill the small room as I push back the shower curtain and step inside. Running my hands through my hair under the hot water, my mind starts to race, and I think about our kiss. Not the first one, but the second, in her car. I could have held her face and kissed her sweet lips for hours, but I didn’t want to scare her. Knowing she is a virgin puts me at a slight disadvantage. I don’t want her to feel like I just strolled into her life and into her pants. I like her. Crazier things have happened in this world, than liking a total stranger. I think.

  Dusty told me she doesn’t let many people in. So when he texted me and told me where she was after she ran away crying, I knew he trusted me. Not that I feel the need to win him over, but still he is my roommate and her best friend. Having him like me is just a perk. Running my soapy washcloth over my body I hear the faint sound of the door opening on its hinges.

  “Colby,” Hensley’s voice softly calls out as my body stiffens from the cool air the door allows in.

  “Uh, yeah?”

  A few seconds pass before she says anything and I start having déjà vu of last night when I walked in on her in the shower. Honestly, to be fair, I thought I could just slide in and out, but I was caught and rendered speechless just like she is right now.

  “I just wanted to let you know that Mrs. Blair just called and Joshua is fine. He was actually looking for you to introduce you to his parents. He said you saved his life.”

  Smiling, I know Joshua is exaggerating, but if he wants to paint me as a hero, I’m surely not going to stop him. He reminds me a lot of my brother, innocent and adoring. “That’s awesome. I would have liked to have met them.” I say over the water’s noise as it beats down on my naked chest.

  “Well, you could always come back, like, tomorrow. Mrs. Blair is really upset at Logan for how he acted towards me in the car.”

  Puzzled, I ask, “How did she know?”

  “She said she was standing in the window and watched it all happen. After he walked away, he punched the side of his truck. He broke his knuckle.” She giggles.

  “Karma’s a bitch, huh?”

  “Yeah, it is. So anyways we need someone else to help me with the morning classes. Just until summer’s over. I only work there on break.”

  “Let me think about it, ya know, while I’m showering.” The room goes silent. Thinking that she walked away leaving the door open, I peek out from behind the closed curtain. “Hensley, you there?” I ask before I see her leaning against the wall staring at the window.

  “Wow. I’m actually…I’m good. I just realized I barged in here, just like you did yesterday. I’m an ass, you’ll get used to it.”

  “Yeah, you are a
n ass sometimes, and I am getting used to it. Either shut that door and join me, or carry on, Sunshine. I’m freezing.”

  “You’re nuts! I am not joining you.”

  Laughing, she pushes off the wall and exits the room, leaving the door open on purpose.

  AFTER MY SHOWER, the night goes without notice. We eat carryout Chinese food and watch re-runs of Duck Dynasty until the moon comes up. It reminds me of a normal Friday night at my house. Growing up, Levi was always there, in my shadow. We’d spend hours together, just watching TV, laughing until we were in tears. It’s moments like these, when all is right in the world, when my heart aches due to his absence.

  “Dusty, thanks for hooking me up with Mr. Jones.” I say out of the blue. “He did a phone interview and needed someone early tomorrow. I guess I am the proud owner of an apron with Burger Heaven embroidered on it,” I say, yawning with amusement in my voice

  Dusty opens his mouth and puts his finger in it, acting like he is going to puke.

  “Brother, I take it you don’t care too much for your day job?” I ask, wondering why he acted like he was gagging.

  “I’d take it you were right,” he grimaces and then turns to Hensley, who’s lying on the floor staring up at the blades of the ceiling fan. “What time do you work tomorrow, baby girl?”

  My body cringes as he calls her that. I know they’re friends, but friends with pet names, come on.

  “I think I’m scheduled to be there for the night shift. Around eight or so. Actually, that reminds me – I need to call and check.”

  “Damn, girl. Well, I guess I’ll stop by for dinner and see you then. Colby, wanna come?”

  “Sounds good, man. Well, as long as I don’t hate the job and quit. It might be weird if I showed back up to eat then.” I hang my head back and laugh.

  “All right. Night, y’all. And you two be good out here.” Dusty winks and then makes his way down the dark hallway.

  When the last episode ends, I look down at the floor to see Hensley sleeping. She looks so peaceful and content. What I really want to do is crawl down beside her and hold her in my arms. I bet that’s what Dusty does in there, in his room. He’s a lucky dude, that’s for sure. Instead, I get up off the couch and bend down and pick her up. I’m careful not to wake her as I cradle her body in my arms like a small child. Moving in front of the couch, I lay her down and cover her up with the small throw blanket that I was using. It’s actually one my grandma Lynn made me before she passed away. It was Levi’s favorite blankie when he was younger.

  Taking the remote from the coffee table, I turn off the TV and then take one last glimpse at the sleeping beauty on the couch. I hit the switch on the lamp and the room goes black.

  I hear her voice whisper in the darkness, “Colby?”

  Turning around, I answer her, “Yes, Sunshine.”

  “Why do you call me that?”

  Without hesitation I confess, “Because my world was dark for a long, long time. When I first laid eyes on you, things seemed brighter for once. You didn’t know it, but I watched you as you prepared for your set, and you seemed so peaceful, like a ray of sunshine as it beams down on the world.”

  “That’s extremely cheesy,” she snorts.

  “I know, but it’s the truth,” I admit. And it is, even if she doesn’t realize it or thinks I’m kidding. Maybe she thinks I’m a fraud and I’m only talking sweet to her to get in her pants.

  “I like the truth,” she says so matter-of-factly.

  “Me too. Goodnight, Hensley.”

  I start to walk away but hear her get up from the sofa, and I swear I hear her mumble, “Ouch.” Within seconds, I feel her small hands grab ahold of my arm as she whispers, “Wait.”

  Looking down, although it’s dark, I can see the outline of her face. I consider raising my hand and tracing every line, committing them all to memory, but instead we stay staring at one another for a few seconds, and I keep my hand at my side. The only noise that surrounds us is that of the ceiling fan and our breathing. It feels like hours pass before she reaches up and kisses me. Slow at first, but then she picks up her pace. Last time it was me who pursued her. My tongue was doing the exploring. This time it is all her. Her hands slowly drag themselves up my arms and across my chest. They hover a little longer there, before they rest themselves on my pecs. I can feel them and their warmth through the thin cloth of my T-shirt. I don’t want to break the moment, so I don’t move. Instead I let her lead me and stay in control.

  She seems nervous, and since I saw her ring, I’m not sure if she’s ever done this before or not. I’d like to assume she’s at least kissed someone in her lifetime. I mean she is twenty, but who knows about her upbringing or how strict her parents were. Seeing how she basically lives here, with a gay man, I’m sure they weren’t all that hard on her when she was growing up, but what do I know? That reminds me. She’s never talked about them, neither has Dusty. I assume they’re alive. Making a mental note to follow up on that, I do my best to stay completely still.

  “Touch me,” she purrs into my mouth as her lips part and allow her words to exit.

  “Hensley…”

  “Shh…don’t talk. Just feel. That’s what I’m doing, Colby. I just want to feel; for once in my life I don’t want to think about what-if, or tomorrow. I just want this, whatever this is, to just be.”

  The last bit of self-control I had disintegrates at my feet as her words call out to me. My mouth presses harder onto hers as she inhales, filling her lungs with air from mine, filling her body with my soul.

  We stand in the dark kissing like wild teenagers for what seems like forever. Our roaming hands explore one another, but we are careful not to cross any boundaries. My mouth starts to get dry and my chapped lips burn from being wet for so long. There’s no doubt that she is feeling the same. Once our lips break, things have changed. I know she feels it too, because this time she doesn’t run away scared, she leans forward on her tiptoes and gently kisses my cheek and then whispers, “Thank you for moving in.”

  Her words are packed with more meaning than Webster’s dictionary, and the fact that I’m the only person in the world that knows their significance means I can go to sleep a very happy man.

  CRAWLING INTO BED, for the first time in…well, ever…for the first time ever, I feel strange about sleeping in Dusty’s arms. Turning on my side, facing away from him, my mind does a recap of today’s events. I should really call my mom. I know she’d be able to put things in better perspective for me. On the other hand, I’ve always listened to her, and this might be the first time I don’t want to. “Don’t fall for none of these fellas ‘round here, baby. You know they’re all no good,” she’d say over and over again, until finally I just believed that she was right. None of the guys I went to high school with were any good. Other than Dusty, who doesn’t count.

  I sat back for four years and watched them run through the girls in our school and even when they’d dated all of them, they’d start back and go through them again. The girls just laughed; they thought they actually meant something and they believed their lies and stories about how they couldn’t live without them. It made me want to barf, and it was then that I knew my momma was right. There was no way in hell I was going to let one of them trick me into dating them or sleeping with them. I remember she’d say, “You’re so talented, baby, you don’t want to go and get yourself in no trouble and be stuck here, do ya?” I know why she pushed me and my talent so much. It’s not that she doesn’t believe in me and my music, because she does. But more importantly she knows it is my way out of here – unlike her.

  Hearing Colby’s door shut, I wonder what he is thinking about as he lays in bed. My heart hopes it’s me, but my head is pulling me in another direction. I wish things were easier. Maybe if he would have moved here in high school, if we could have grown up together the way Dusty and I did, things would be different. He’d understand my reasons for wanting to flee. He’d see that it’s not so much my dream, but my mom
’s. I single-handedly changed her life. While she tries to appease me and tell me she wanted me all along, I know I was a surprise, a fork in the road, one that led her away from her dream of singing in front of millions to a kitchen making bottles and preparing meals.

  Dusty’s warm hand wraps around my arm and pulls me towards his chest. Closing my eyes, I pretend it’s Colby’s arms holding me and his breath breathing down my neck. I know it’s all kinds of wrong to want him, but I can’t help it. I tried so hard to keep these feelings at bay. I don’t know him all that well, or at all really, but what I do know I like. Oh my God. I like Colby. The realization hits me like a ton of bricks. I’ve never allowed myself to be in ‘like’ with someone, ever. Sure, I’ve been attracted to guys, but that’s been it. Colby’s my first of many things. First kiss, first real crush, first time I felt like I wanted to rip someone’s clothes off and have my wicked way with them. Although it’s dark and the middle of the night, I feel my cheeks redden as I drift off into a peaceful slumber, dreaming about the boy who’s steeling my heart, lying across the hall.

  THE DAYS GET hotter as July approaches, marking the two-week mark since Colby came into my life and unexpectedly turned my world upside down. While we’ve gone without any other kissing incidents, it’s hard to keep my wandering eyes to myself when he’s been shirtless on the farm nearly every day. I’ve even caught Mrs. Blair fanning herself a few times. It’s weird because since we kissed that one day, we’ve both acted like nothing happened. Maybe it was a fluke or something. Or maybe he’s just into leading girls on?

  We’ve all sort of fallen into a routine, and he and Dusty seem to be getting along really well too. They’ve started recording some music together, and I have to admit they sound pretty good, but need a female voice. So I agreed to play with them. I figure why not, we all three have a passion for country music, and it will do us all good to use the time practicing and improving our skills. This is my first time playing with anyone other than Dusty, and I know I’ve been giving Colby a tough time, but he’s good. Like really good – which is really bad, because it only makes me that much more attracted to him.