In the Lyrics Read online

  “Take off your panties,” I say as my lips kiss her stomach.

  As she slides them off, I sit up and remove my shirt and then unbutton my pants. Biting her lower lip, she looks up at me. She is so beautiful and sexy lying there naked in front of me. Why the hell did those morons have to offer her a contract? Anger floods my mind again and reminds me that I wanted this to be about me and my release, not pleasing her.

  Jumping off the bed, I slide down my jeans and remove my socks and then hit the lights. The darkness will make hiding her gorgeous body easier. Hopefully then I can focus on releasing this ire and not have her innocence and pure sexiness slap me in the face.

  “Are you wet?” I’m sure she is mortified by my question, another reason why I’m glad the lights are off.

  “Yes,” she shrills.

  “I love you, Hensley Bradley, but right now I don’t need to make love. I need to feel you, be inside you. You’re like a glove. You fit just right over me. Let me fuck you into tomorrow, because honestly I don’t know what it holds, and it’s the uncertainty that scares me.”

  With an intake of breath, she utters, “Whatever you need, I need. Let it all out and let’s not worry about tomorrow. Just worry about right now.”

  Before she has a chance to say another word, I lean down and use my left hand to rub her opening. Using two fingers in a circular motion, I move the wetness around making sure that she is good and wet before I extend my legs and hover over her body. Rolling on a condom, I bend towards her core, and she gasps as I enter her without warning. My pace is slow at first, as she adjusts to my size.

  “Ahh…yeah, babe,” she moans out loud. Her words encourage me to speed up my pace.

  Groans of pleasure escape me as I pound into her, over and over.

  Pulling out of her I order her to flip over. She turns to lie on her stomach as I slide my dick back into her, and I keep up a steady tempo until my calves ache and my toes curl as I find my release. Not asking if Hensley gets off, I move to lay on the mattress, exhausted.

  The pleased look in her glossy eyes tells me that she’s satisfied as well.

  WAKING UP WITH Hensley in my arms, thoughts of yesterday no longer matter. All that matters is this girl. If she leaves…when she leaves, I’ll have to learn to accept it and cope with her not being around all the time. I’m pissed over feeling like those two went behind my back. It’s as if they’re punishing me for turning them down. And the mere fact that she didn’t hesitate to jump on board with them, she didn’t say she needed some time to consider her options, she didn’t turn them down…for me. That’s what hurts the most. But who am I to stop her or hold her back from living her dream? Yes, she’s my girlfriend, but she isn’t my wife. As much as I want to think I have some sort of claim over her, she can do whatever she pleases. Knowing she’s going to leave hurts. It’s not like I had time to prepare myself. I’ve been blindsided.

  “What are you thinking about?” she yawns as she asks what seems to be a normal question, but considering our circumstances, it isn’t today.

  Holding her closer, I whisper in her ear, “I’m thinking that I would love to have some of your famous bacon pancakes for breakfast and then I’d like to come back in here and eat you for dessert.”

  The smirk on her face makes me laugh.

  “One order of pancakes coming right up!” Untangling her body from mine, she sits up and stretches.

  As soon as she shuts the door, I reach for my phone and scroll through my contacts. Hovering over Michael’s name, the stored contact I had created when we first met, I hit create email and type as fast as my fingers allow.

  I do appreciate you giving me a chance, but only because I thought you were a genuine man at the time. I was dead wrong. I’m only going to say this once. I know what you and Robert are doing. And I swear to you, you better not let this fucked up industry hurt her or break her down. If you do, if she comes home broken from touring or from the exhaustion that’s about to become her reality, I will find you and when I do you’re going to wish you never offered her a contract. Before you save this email, or show your fancy lawyers, remember this isn’t a threat. It’s a promise.

  Swallowing, I hit send.

  BREAKFAST WAS DELICIOUS, but it was what happened after that was better. Colby is amazing. The way he treasures my body, always making sure I’m satisfied. He’s the definition of husband material. I’ve never once considered marriage as an option for me, but since he’s come along, nothing but good things have been happening. His presence has made me reconsider everything I once knew or valued, and other than music, he’s at the top of my priority list.

  Yesterday was one of the best days of my life. Not only did we have a kick ass performance, but I was introduced to the guys from Smashtown. This is a dream come true. The only drawback is leaving Dusty and Colby behind.

  Dusty was so happy this morning when I told him the news. Other than the massive hangover and bruises on his face, he was beaming with excitement from ear to ear. It was Colby who I felt was taken aback by the news. Last night he seemed, I don’t know, upset? Storming out of the room, he left me feeling an array of mixed emotions. None of which I could understand. I thought for sure he’d be happy for me. From the moment we got together he knew this was my goal and now it’s a reality. I’m just not so sure how he truly feels about it. All day we’ve been beating around the bush, dodging the topic. Until Emiko called.

  “Hello,” I squeal into the phone.

  “Hi, this is Emiko. I’m calling from Smashtown Records. Is this Miss Hensley Bradley?”

  Anticipation washes over me. “Yes. Yes, this is she.”

  “Good. I’m sure you know why I’m calling. First, congratulations. Michael and Robert are some of the toughest men in this business and the fact that they saw something in you speaks volumes. I’m sure you’re great, and I can’t wait to meet you in person. Speaking of that, I’ve already prepared your flight out here. All I really need is some personal information, and then we can get you on that plane.”

  Wow, this is fast – faster than I expected all of this to happen. After all it’s been less than twenty-four hours. “Emiko, I’m sorry to interrupt, but you said you prepared my flight. When am I leaving?”

  She laughs a devious laugh. “Tonight. You’re plane is scheduled to take off at six-thirty this evening.”

  My stomach hits the floor. Tonight? Like in less than eight hours?

  “Hello, are you still there, Hensley?” her voice inquires as I try and regain my composure and stow my shock.

  “Yeah, I’m here,” I stutter.

  “Okay, good. So I will email your boarding pass, and a driver will pick you up from the airport and bring you to the office. From there I will personally see that you get to your apartment and show you around a little. Are you ready for all of this?”

  Should I lie?

  “Honestly, no. I’m not, but I will be.”

  Emiko breathes deeply into the phone. “This is an opportunity of a lifetime, Hensley. Have safe travels and save my number.”

  We disconnect the line, and I feel frozen in place, scared to move. This is really happening. I’m about to pack all of my clothes and board a plane, headed to California, where I know no one – all for a dream, one that is still all kinds of uncertain.

  “Dusty!” I holler. “I need to borrow your suitcase!”

  Things I need to do before I leave cloud my mind in the split second after I hang up the phone. Emiko said she would forward me the contract to read, and sign, and then email back to her before I board the plane. I guess maybe they’re thinking I won’t sign it. Truthfully, they’d be fools to think that.

  MY PARENTS ARE thrilled, obviously my mother more so than my father. He wants me to stay and finish college and then pursue music. I tell him it just isn’t in the cards for me. He doesn’t agree, but I know he loves me and still wants me to succeed in whatever I do. My mom gushes and keeps saying she knew I was talented and can’t believe this is
happening. I feel a sting of guilt, knowing I am leaving her behind to pay my college debts for something I wouldn’t even be finishing. She doesn’t care though and says she’d happily pay for it knowing that I’d be living my dream. Really, she means I’ll be living out her dream, but who’s to argue, especially when I’ve come to say goodbye?

  Dad’s cancer has been about the same, but I make it clear that if there are any changes for him to call me and I’ll come home immediately.

  Dusty is the most excited about me leaving out of everyone. I don’t know if I should be more sad that he wants me gone or happy that he supports my desire to go. After he helps me pack, we lie in his bed and talk about everything under the sun. I can’t help it, but my side of the conversation keeps going back to Colby. Dusty swears he will watch out for him and make sure that he and Logan don’t rip one another’s heads off. Finding comfort in that, I feel better about leaving, but still my chest feels tight just thinking about the moment I’ll have to hug Colby one last time and say goodbye.

  After I am packed, Colby takes me out to lunch but it doesn’t feel like a date. He seems detached, or more like he doesn’t want to be here with me. I try to ignore his absence in the conversation. I know he’s probably unhappy that I’m leaving, but to spend our last meal moping is baffling to me.

  When we get back to the apartment, I go straight to his room. A few minutes pass before he comes in.

  “Are you taking a nap? I know you’re probably exhausted from packing and rushing around running errands.”

  Covering my face with my arm, I close my eyes. “No, I’m not sleepy. I’m too excited to sleep.”

  I can feel the bed dip down as Colby sits beside me. We don’t touch though.

  “I’m really sorry, Sunshine. I want to be happy. I really do, and I am, somewhat. I’m just sad that you’re leaving. I know this is your dream, and I want you to have it. I want you to go there and live it, but it doesn’t make this pain in my chest hurt any less. This ache that’s building is so small compared to the void that will take residence in my heart when you leave. It’s scary thinking about it, knowing what I have to look forward to.”

  Sitting up, I crawl over to him, and take his face in my palms.

  “I have no doubt that we can make it through anything. I love you. You were my first of everything, and you’re my last. I mean it, okay?”

  Our lips crush together and he takes me to a place that only he’s taken me to, and I enjoy every minute of it, knowing that in just a few short hours he’ll be driving me to the airport.

  “THIS IS IT. Security won’t let me go any further without a ticket.” Colby smiles, but I see through it to the pain in his eyes.

  I physically feel sick, knowing that I’m hurting him. This is hurting me too though. I’m going to miss him too.

  “All right. Thank you for driving me,” I whisper.

  Grabbing my wrist, Colby stops me in my tracks. “You’re thanking me for driving my girlfriend to the airport? Don’t do that. Don’t thank me for that. Do you thank me for driving you to school? No, you don’t. This isn’t any different. And we’re not going to say goodbye, because you’ll be back or I’ll come there and pursue music after I finish school. Maybe someone will come along and offer me a record deal, who knows? But what I do know is you’re not going to thank me for giving you a measly ride to the airport. Got it?”

  I nod.

  The voice of a female standing at a small podium in front of me hollers “Next,” waiting to scan my license and ticket and usher me through the security line.

  “I guess she means me.”

  Dropping my bag to the floor, Colby’s arms wrap around me. My senses are in overdrive as I take in this moment, saving to memory how he smells, how his soft skin feels against mine, the way he interlocks his fingers behind my back. I don’t want to forget this moment. I know I’ll be clinging to it while I’m gone.

  “I love you, Hensley Elaine Bradley, and I know you’re going to get out there and be amazing. Just promise me one thing?”

  “Anything,” my voice cracks.

  “Don’t lose yourself out there. You’re one of the strongest women I know. You’re fierce. Don’t let anyone take that from you.”

  “Why do I feel like you’re saying goodbye?” I ask as I bite my lip, trying to hold back tears.

  Nonchalantly he tightens his brow as his eyes grow wide, “Because I am, Sunshine.”

  I hate that I feel like this goodbye means more than a simple “I’ll see ya later.” I’m flying across the country for an extended period of time and leaving my boyfriend behind. God knows that distance is never good on relationships; I just pray that we can be the couple to prove the universe wrong. I pray more than anything that we can make it through this.

  “I have to go, babe, or this lady’s liable to bust a vein staring at us. I love you, Colby. Don’t give up on me and what we have. I’ll be back before you know it.”

  Pulling me closer to him, he kisses me briefly, and then tilts my head towards the ground and kisses me on the temple and then whispers into my ear, “Don’t become a member of the mile high club, little lady.”

  A warm smile spreads across his dimpled face, and I know with certainty we can make it through anything.

  I FEEL LIKE a part of me is leaving as Hensley looks back one last time before she passes through security and is out of sight. Who am I kidding? A part of me is leaving. She’s the puzzle piece I was missing.

  Spending the last few hours together acting like an immature little chump probably wasn’t the best idea, but I didn’t know how to act. Those morons from Smashtown just took my muse away. Kissing her goodbye…that shit was hard.

  Walking out of the terminal without her by my side is a sour moment. Walking into an empty apartment and not seeing her on the couch eating a bowl of her favorite sorbet was agony. But it was nothing compared to lying down for bed that first time without her in my arms. That was pure torture.

  Just like when tragedy strikes, you move on. You pick up the pieces of the wreckage that has become your life, and you start to clean up. It’s not easy at first, and the memories that accompany the possessions that the storm’s left behind dredge up old feelings, ones you thought you had buried. But just like before, when my world came crashing down as we laid my baby brother to rest, I’ll move on. My heart will heal from her absence, just like it will from his.

  MY PHONE RINGS, and just like every other time for the past three months, I run like a mad man towards the sound of the persistent buzzing.

  Out of breath I answer the line. “Hey, Sunshine.”

  “Babe, are you okay? Wait, are you exercising?” Hensley chuckles and for a brief moment it feels like all is right in the world again.

  “Um, no. I couldn’t find the dang phone, but speaking of exercising, I really should hit the gym.”

  “You’d lose your head if it wasn’t attached, Colby!”

  She’s right, I would.

  “It’s because you’re not here keeping me in line.” I try to keep the despair out of my voice.

  “Come on, not again. This is killing me too. At least you’re sleeping in a bed and not on this cramped tour bus. It’s April and it feels like August. The stupid driver keeps it hotter than Hades. One day when I make it big and I’m on my own tour and not opening for people, my bus is going to be huge, with a stellar AC unit. I want the mack-daddy of tour buses. A girl can dream.”

  “Look, you’re already living your dream. So the tour bus sucks, big deal. Put in your time, and one day you’ll have a killer bus.”

  Things have been really hard on Hensley. I don’t think she was prepared for the life she was rushed into. As soon as she stepped off the plane, people were there and to this day they’ve never left. They’re always following her around, primping her, taking pictures for marketing. With every phone call, we’re bound to get interrupted at least five times. Although she isn’t the main attraction yet, they still treat her like she is some hug
e megastar in all things but her tour bus.

  There’s someone talking to her, distracting her from our conversation. I’ve just learned to accept that when we do have the rare chance to talk to one another, she’s not really there. I bet she’d still be chatting it up with whatever doofus is next to her. In all honesty it’s really Michael and Robert I’m jealous of. One of them is always around my girl, spending time with her like I wish I was.

  “Hold on a second. Can’t you see I’m on the phone?” Her voice sounds aggravated. Just like it always does.

  Beating her to the goodbye, I make up an excuse to get off the phone. “Hey, Sunshine, I gotta get to the center. Call me whenever you can, okay?”

  “Oh, Colby. I didn’t realize. I’m sorry. I love you. Goodbye.”

  Hanging up the line, I slide on my boots and grab my cap.

  Dusty stops me before I open the front door. “Was that our girl?”

  “Yes, sir, it was,” My voice sounds monotone as I try and hide my melancholy.

  “Was she short again?” he asks, but we both know the answer.

  “My oh my, you are right again,” I bark, my anger not directed at him, but since he’s here he gets the brunt of it.

  “Easy, killer. Well, where ya headed?”

  “Logan’s on spring break and Mr. Blair needs some help around the farm. You busy?”

  Dusty shakes his head no.

  “Good, because I could sure use some help.”

  WE SPEND THE afternoon hauling hay, feeding the horses, and cleaning stalls. It’s not my favorite pastime, but it keeps me busy. At least my fingers have been getting their exercise because I haven’t been playing much. Actually, the last time I looked at my guitar, it had a thin layer of dust on it. I have a feeling that if I picked it up and tried to write something, it’d be a dark grungy tune. I wasn’t lying when I said my muse left.