In the Lyrics Page 9

  SIX BEERS AND a handful of flirty touches later, I’m up dancing in front of Logan. The bonfire’s flames let off enough light and warmth to keep my goosebumps from the night’s air at bay. Realizing I should have paced myself better, my eyesight seems to be off, the beer doing its duty. What’s that rule? Drink a beer, drink a water. Yup, I so ignored that one and chugged myself right through a six pack. I still don’t know where Dusty is, and I haven’t seen Colby since I ran away from him like a coward. If I’d been feeling half as good as I feel now, I would have planted my feet and told that blonde bimbo where to stick it. I can’t believe I’ve never drank before – the feeling of being carefree is amazing. It definitely beats sober living. My head feels light as I twirl my body around and around in front of Logan.

  He stands up and saunters over to me with a hungry look in his eyes, a slow song blasting from the speakers in his truck. Gripping my hips from behind, he leans over my shoulder; the music is so loud I can’t even hear what he is saying, but it doesn’t matter. We start to sway to our own beat, our bodies rubbing like we’re in a rap video. In the moment, I lose myself, surrendering to the alcohol that is pumping through my veins. Feeling brave, I turn around, close my eyes, and grab Logan’s face and kiss him. I know he wants me; he’s wanted me for forever now. He’s just a pawn, though. I’d never really care about him, but he’s here and I’m drunk, so I part my lips and welcome him in with a giant sign that says ‘I’m easy and shallow.’

  Small grunts of need come from his lips as he holds me close. Walking backwards he guides my body, positioning me between his legs as he leans back against the side of his pickup truck. His hands cup my ass cheeks, and he pulls me closer to him. My body thrusts against his. Logan isn’t someone I could ever picture losing my virginity to, but after seeing Colby making out with Brittani, I know he isn’t either. Thoughts of them kissing fuel my lips to open wider for Logan’s tongue. As our mouths dance making sweet revenge, I feel empty. Say I’m pathetic, I don’t care. All I care about is filling this gaping void in my heart, and if meaningless sex with a meaningless man will fill it, who are you to judge me?

  Logan breaks our kiss long enough to ask, “Do you wanna get in the back of my truck?”

  I know I’ll regret this in the morning, so I opt for another beer, hoping that another drink will drown out my conscience. Reaching around Logan’s body, my hand touches someone’s arm. “Sorry, I just need another,” I apologize to the person who has clearly taken up residence in front of the cooler.

  “It’s time to go, baby girl.”

  My mind recognizes Dusty’s voice. Where has he been all night? Nowhere to be found, and now he’s here bossing me around like I’m a child. He grabs my arm and pulls me out of Logan’s embrace.

  “What the fuck, dude?” Logan shouts as he turns around to see Dusty. They each have one of my arms, pulling me like I’m a rope in a tug-of-war match. “Oh, it’s you.”

  Dusty huffs, “And what’s that supposed to mean, preppy boy?”

  “Oh, you wanna name call, do ya? Trust me, that’s a battle you’ll lose,” Logan taunts Dusty.

  Suddenly, I’m shoved out of the way. I don’t know who did it, but I’m glad they did. Staggering backwards, I rub my eyes in an attempt to focus on what is going on in front of me.

  AS SOON AS Brittani’s lips leave mine, I’m thankful that Hensley walked away. There is no way I would want her to witness that. Not that I wanted it, or much less enjoyed it, but I wouldn’t ever want her to see it. That would be like me watching her kiss some dude. I’m not normally the jealous type, but with her I’m as greedy as they come. Brittani got the hint after I had to lay it out for her. I give her credit though, she is persistent. Walking back to the bonfire, I see Hensley sitting with Logan on the back of his tailgate, drinking. I didn’t peg her as the drinking type, but then again I don’t really know her.

  Grabbing a bottle of water from someone’s cooler, I walk back to my truck. Pulling the tailgate down, I sit and watch. Keeping an eye on them, I study her as she moves against him. It makes me physically ill, but on what grounds do I have to stop her from dancing with someone else? So I sit, watching from a distance, making sure Logan doesn’t do anything stupid. It doesn’t take long for my temper to rekindle. The dancing went from PG to borderline R, and that’s where I draw the line. Standing up, my jaw clenches and I turn my baseball hat around, and then I see Dusty walking towards me.

  “Calm down, bro,” he begs, reading my mind. “You’ll only push her away. Just let her go. She’s drunk and we both know she isn’t leaving here with that tool.”

  Removing my hat, I take a deep breath and then run my hands through my hair vigorously wondering what the fuck got into her.

  Alcohol.

  “You got it bad, huh?” he inquires, and I nod my head. “Listen, I saw Brittani kiss you.” I open my mouth to talk, but he shuts me up. “Just listen, dude. I know she kissed you. I saw her, and I also saw you throw her off of you, but she’s still a snake. She would do anything in her power to ruin Hensley’s life.”

  Confused, I push for answers. “Why? Why does she hate her that much? Have they had a beef in the past?”

  “Not necessarily them per se, but their parents did. The only reason I’m telling you this is because I can see how much you care about her, and I know she likes you too.”

  “I mean, I appreciate you being honest with me, but I don’t get it. If she likes me, if even you notice she likes me, why won’t she just tell me? Why won’t she be honest and open up and tell me these things? I don’t know what else to do to let her know I’m interested. One minute I think she’s into me, and the next she’s giving me the cold shoulder,” I mutter in defeat.

  “Are you blind, man? She knows you’re interested, and she is too. Trust me. I’ve never once, like in my entire life, seen her so happy. It’s just…” he looks around, like he is seeing if anyone is close enough to hear him. “Okay, I’m just going to lay it all out there. Hensley’s mom is an incredible musician. She could have been a millionaire or something, touring and the whole nine yards, but she gave it all up to raise Hensley.”

  Remembering Hensley talking about wanting to flee this town, I put two and two together and realize it’s because her mom is pushing her. She was stuck here taking care of her responsibilities and she doesn’t want her daughter doing the same thing. It all makes sense. How she’s never been close to anyone, male or female, other than Dusty. He’s different because he’s a musician too; he wants to leave this town as badly as she does. They share the same ambitions, therefore getting close to him doesn’t scare her, because as much as she wants to leave, he does too. I feel a sting of guilt wash over me. Knowing why she’s so eager to stay unattached, I almost regret liking her. Almost.

  “So basically her mom gave up her dream?” I inquire, already knowing the answer.

  “Not necessarily. She just found a new one – raising her daughter.”

  “Dammit!” I roar, angry at myself for falling so fast for a woman who has no interest in returning the feelings. “No wonder she’s so guarded. This is a sick joke.”

  “It doesn’t change things, Colby. She likes you. Who knows where music is going to take any of us? What we do know is you’re both here, single, and like each other. Don’t give up, man. I think you two could be great. Don’t let the threat of the unknown scare you.” Who knew Dusty had so much insight into life? “I think things with Logan have escalated a little too far for my likin’. Let’s go get our girl.” He leans off of my truck bed and starts to walk towards Logan’s truck. The pissed expression on his face makes me happier than it should.

  “Hold up, man.” I shut my tailgate and then jog to meet him. “So where have you been all night?”

  He points to a blonde dude sitting in a fold up chair. There’s a girl sitting on his lap, but you can tell that he isn’t interested in her. “He’s captain of the swim team, and he’s also single.”

  “Is that the same dude
you’ve been talking about lately?”

  His nod confirms my question. Who am I to judge anyone? If you like someone, you like ‘em. Sometimes you can’t help who it is.

  As we walk the short distance to Logan’s truck, anger washes over me, pulling me into its wrath. I’ve watched her dance with him, and now kiss him. As soon as her body relaxes into his arms, my fists clench at my sides. Dusty holds his hand up, stopping me from walking any closer to Logan’s vehicle. I watch as he nears them, and then he and Logan exchange words. Things escalate fast and then get physical. Realizing that Hensley is in the middle of the ordeal, I walk up beside her and gently push her out of the way. As angry as I am at her for acting like a drunken brat, I don’t want her to get clobbered by one of these two.

  “You motherfucker! I will end you,” Dusty yells as his fist flies up and connects with Logan’s jaw.

  That’s my boy.

  It doesn’t stop there. Logan comes back at him, and before I know it they’re rolling around in the grass, inching dangerously close to the fire pit. Bending down, I grab Logan by the collar of his shirt. He resists the movement and tugs at the hem of his shirt. He’s strong, but no match for me. About that time I see the swim captain come charging in our direction.

  “Dusty, dude, get the fuck up. He ain’t worth it,” he bellows as he approaches us.

  Looking over my shoulder, I see Hensley swaying. I know she needs to get home and get some much needed water into her system before she dehydrates. “Logan, I suggest you get outta here. You’ve done enough damage for one night.”

  “Who the fuck do you think you are? Walking up in here at my bonfire like your shit don’t stink? You’re at my house, on my land, and you think it’s cool to boss me around? You’ve got to be out of your fucking mind if you think that’s how things are gonna go down,” Logan slurs. The liquor must be doin’ its job.

  Ignoring his taunts, I ask, “Dusty, you cool man?”

  He nods, “Yeah, I’m cool.” His head turns as he faces his ‘friend,’ “Can you give me a ride home later? I’m going to need some more beer.”

  The swimmer nods, Logan scowls, and I walk over to Hensley. Bending to pick her up, I throw her over my shoulder and walk towards my truck.

  “This ain’t over, you little bitch!” Logan’s voice grows distant as I walk away.

  Bending, I sit Hensley down on the ground. Her legs fold underneath her as her drunken lids fight to stay open. I don’t have to turn around to know whose hands are on me, but as soon as I do, I almost regret coming tonight. Knowing there’s only so much you can do or say when you’re arguing with a drunk person, it reminds me of my father. I physically feel like puking, and I haven’t even had a drop.

  “This is over, right now, it’s over. I suggest you turn around and go back to your little clique, because you’re not welcome around me or Hensley.”

  His shoulders broaden.

  “Hensley isn’t going to fall for you. Trust me, Colby. She doesn’t like anyone, and if you think for one second she’s going to change her mind over you, you’re mistaken. If anything she’s going to realize it’s me who loves her, who wants to be with her. Not some wanna-be, washed up, road gypsy who just strolled into her life.”

  I inch closer to Logan. Our faces are so close I can smell the booze on his breath. I can handle drunk; I’ve had years of practice.

  “Listen, I know I’m at your house, brother, and I honestly didn’t come here tryin’ to cause a scene. But I will not tolerate another word from you. I swear to God if you open your mouth again, you’re going to get your ass beat – on your turf, in front of your so-called friends. I suggest you turn around and go back to your party. Who knows, you may even score with Brittani. I heard she’s good with her tongue.”

  Parting his mouth, Logan hesitates before he grunts in defeat, “This isn’t over.” He turns and walks away like the little chump I knew he was.

  He’s nothing but a little, rich boy, whose parents handed him everything on a silver platter. I’m surprised too. Mrs. Blair doesn’t seem like the type of woman to allow such behavior from her child. I guess he must have missed hitting the nice stick on the way down the tree.

  Walking the few steps over to where Hensley is lying in the grass, I bend to pick her up and throw her back over my shoulder like a bag of feed.

  “Put me down! I’m not going anywhere with you. I hate you!” Hensley screams at the top of her lungs. I know she’s drunk, but her words still sting. Electing not to respond to her either, I unlock my truck and set her in the passenger seat. It’s not an easy task, trust me on that one. She struggles and reminds me of a child. “Here drink this, now.” I toss my half-empty bottle of water on her lap.

  Huffing, she fumbles with the lid, and then tilts her head back on the seat and gulps down the water. Turning up the radio, I put the truck in reverse and head home. Dust from the gravel beneath my tires flies in the air in a cloud as I squeal the tires. It may be dumb and kind of lame, but I want Logan to know I’m leaving – with my girl.

  The drive is quick, and when we arrive at the apartment complex Hensley is asleep. Deciding on carrying her in instead of her walking makes me nervous, like the slightest movement will wake the beast, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take if it means she won’t get up and cause another childish scene. Cradling her in my arms, I walk up the steps and into the apartment. As soon as my hand hits the light switch in the living room, Hensley’s eyes spring open.

  Dammit, we were so close.

  “Let me down, please,” she hisses through gritted teeth.

  Setting her down on her feet, she takes a quick step away from me. What did I do?

  “I’d appreciate it if you found another place to stay. I can’t handle seeing you here every day, knowing you’re with her. It will kill me.”

  What is she talking about ‘with her’? She must have seen Brittani kiss me. Reaching out, my hand brushes her cheek before she turns her head and takes another step away from me. Disgust is written on her face.

  She fumes, “I’m serious, Colby.”

  “You’re drunk. We’ll talk in the morning. You don’t know what you saw, I can promise you that.”

  “You don’t know what I saw, do you? No, you don’t, because your mouth was pressed so close to hers you probably couldn’t even see! I watched you. I know what I saw, and what I see now is a different person than the one I thought I knew. So if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll go vomit. And it’s not from the beer. It’s from the sight of you. You make me sick.”

  I’m shaken and offended. I know she doesn’t know what really happened. She couldn’t have seen me push Brittani away. If she did, she wouldn’t be acting like this. Anger fills my soul and the normally pleasant version of myself is gone. If that’s what it takes to get through to her, then so be it.

  “Fucking listen to me!” I shout as her words cut me like a knife. “I pushed her away, Hensley. Did you see that? Did you see me shove her off of me? No, you didn’t. You couldn’t have. So don’t stand here with your hands on your hips acting all high and mighty. Because while she kissed me, you kissed him.” She frowns.

  That’s right, you should be ashamed of yourself.

  “Oh, cat got your tongue? How about how I feel? Do you think I enjoyed watching you dance all over Logan, shaking your ass like some cheerleader?”

  Her voice breaks, “You saw that?”

  “Yeah, I saw the whole thing.”

  She gulps, “I’m sorry.”

  “You’re sorry you did it, or you’re sorry I saw you?”

  Hanging her head in shame, she whispers, “Both.”

  THIS CONVERSATION IS a total buzz kill, but I know we need to hash things out. We can’t keep up this little charade of hiding our true feelings. It’s not good for either one of us, and I know it’s bound to happen sooner or later, so we might as well get this conversation over with now. At least I have alcohol in my system, making me brave. Taking a deep breath, I feel like I’ve bee
n bitch slapped in the face, and knowing that I intentionally got drunk and led Logan on makes me feel like I’m two inches tall. What’s worse is admitting it to someone I really care about.

  Colby moves towards me and I fight the urge to walk away. He hurt me – or I thought he hurt me, but if he’s telling the truth, then really, I hurt him. I was so selfish – only thinking about ridding my mind of thoughts of him. It didn’t help. While I was kissing Logan, I pictured it was him the entire time. That kiss made everything worse. Dusty punched someone, for the first time in his life, and it’s my fault. Deciding to go to the stupid bonfire was a bad idea.

  “Hensley,” his voice sounds pained as he reaches out and places his hands on both of my forearms. “I can get over you kissing him, but I can’t get over you denying your feelings for me anymore. I know you like me. You have to, because these feelings I have for you are real. You have to feel it too. Tell me, am I making it up? Is it all in my head?”

  We’re standing face to face, our breaths matching one another’s.

  “No.” I don’t know what else to say. It’s not in his head. I feel it too. “I was, umm…I was going to tell you I liked you, but then she came over and messed everything up.” Admitting my feelings was supposed to feel good. It doesn’t. Not after I’ve acted like a giant asshat tonight. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. That’s life though. It sucks.

  “Then why did you kiss him? To get back at me?”

  I hiccup and ashamedly admit, “Yes. I was so mad. You have to understand where I’m coming from.” My pleas might mean nothing to him, but it’s worth a shot. “I just wanted to forget about you, and he was there. He’s always been there, waiting for me. He’s liked me since forever, so I knew he’d want me. I just wanted someone to want me, since you made it clear you didn’t.”