A Graceful Mess Read online

  “What can I get ya, doll baby?” Her voice is low, but there is no denying her Southern roots.

  “Two shots of vodka, please, ma’am.” Her eyebrows lift, as she shakes her head and turns around to grab a bottle. Looking over, I see the man beside me smirk. I don’t know what I’m doing, but the not knowing, the just being here and playing it by ear, acting like someone I’m not, helps ease the pain. It doesn’t make sense, I know, but nothing about my messed up life does right now.

  “Shirley, put it on my tab,” the man beside me shouts over the jukebox. He doesn’t look over at me as he brings a glass bottle up to his mouth. I watch as his lips part, and the liquid travels down the length of the bottle until it pours into his mouth. Licking my lips, I forget I’m staring until a second too late.

  “Do you like what you see?” His voice is low, but I can hear his question as clear as day. His head stays straight; he doesn’t turn it when he speaks to me, so I can only see half of his face.

  Did I like what I saw? I mean he is attractive in the sense that he looks like a cowboy straight from a Dodge Ram commercial. Nervousness sweeps over me like a black cloud right before a horrible thunderstorm. I know I shouldn’t be here. I don’t know why I am, but I am, and oddly it feels good to be bad for once. I’m sick of feeling like I’m not in control of my own life. I wasn’t when I was given up after my mother’s death. I wasn’t when I was adopted. And I wasn’t when my own boyfriend attacked me and tried to kill me. I’ve never had control, but right now I do.

  “Yes, I do,” I whisper after a few brief moments of silence.

  “Speak up.”

  “I said I like what I see.” He turns his head slightly and we make eye contact for the first time. His eyes are a dark shade of brown and he is older than me, much older. I can tell by the faint lines of wrinkles around his chocolate eyes. You can tell he has worked hard most of his life just by looking at him. His jeans are worn in the knees, and his skin is dark from many days out in the sun.

  “That a girl. You wanna dance?”

  “Sure.” I try to sound older, and less scared. I think I do a pretty good job keeping my feelings at bay, but inside I want to scream at myself for being here, for doing this. Who am I kidding? I am a complete mess, and this just adds to my ever growing list of messed up days in my life.

  He stands up and grabs my hand, and then leads me to the middle of the dance floor. There are a few couples dancing on it, but the bar scene isn’t really crowded during the day, so I know we will have a lot of room. We stand in the middle of the floor, assessing one another with our eyes. I feel like he is undressing me, and the thought makes me cringe, but I asked for it by coming here. I knew what kind of dump this place would be, but yet I still parked and came inside.

  He takes a step closer and wraps his arms around my waist. A song comes on and our bodies start to sway to the music. Before long my body turns around, so I am facing away from him. My backside is rubbing up against his front, and for a few minutes I lose myself in the music. The way I used to do when I was younger in the studio with Dorissa. I become one with the music and allow myself to breathe, to truly feel nothing other than the beat coming from the speakers. I feel his hand slide down. It is hovers right over where my thigh and my pelvis meet and then it rests on me. His sudden touch makes me lurch away from him, but he takes a step closer to me so we are in the same position. He moves my hair over one of my shoulders and I can feel his presence next to my ear.

  “What’s wrong, sweetheart? Isn’t this what you came here for?” he rasps as he grinds his pelvis against my backside. My eyes widen and my mouth feels dry. His touch makes my skin crawl. This is wrong. As mad as I am at my parents, Brody, and Parker, I will be even madder at myself if I do something careless out of anger.

  What are you doing here, Grace? This is really stupid, and you know it.

  “I’m sorry.” Stepping away from him, I march over to the rickety stool and grab my purse from it and then walk as fast as possible to the exit. I feel a hand wrap around one of my wrists, pulling me backwards. The cowboy licks his lips.

  “Now what is a pretty, innocent, little girl doing all the way out here, if she ain’t lookin’ for trouble? You want to get into trouble, baby, I have plenty of stuff we can do.” I twist, trying to escape his grasp, but he grips my arm tighter. I’ll probably even have a bruise. My eyes dart around the room, but no one is even looking at us, much less cares, I’m sure.

  “We can do this the hard way or the easy way. The way I see it, you marched your sexy, little ass in here to see what a real man is like. Baby, I’m all the man you’ll ever need. Let me pay our tab and take you home. You look like you need to be fucked senseless.” I feel like I’ve been stripped bare of all my clothes and am nothing more than a piece of ass to this man. How dare he talk to me, let alone another human being, like that? I feel like screaming or throwing up from his nasty attempt to lure me to leave with him. Looking up into his eyes, eyes that are now full of nothing remotely related to sexy, I open my mouth and spit in his face. He cringes as he lets go of his hold on my arm and uses the same hand to wipe away my saliva that has covered his cheek. He wipes it off and then put his finger in his mouth and sucks on it.

  “Pervert!” I scream before turning around to beeline for the exit. I jump in my car and lock the doors. Who knows what this man is capable of? As I buckle my seatbelt, my cell phone sitting on the passenger seat starts to ring. It’s Maci. I’m not ready to talk to anyone yet, especially after I feel like a part of me was just sexually assaulted.

  What were you thinking? How could you be so naïve, Grace? Did you really expect anything different from some stranger?

  “Ahh! Son of a bitch, you’re so fucking dumb!” My voice doesn’t sound like my own as I shout and scream and my hands fly up and attack the steering wheel. The song of my cell phone ringing over and over brings me back to reality. Who the heck is calling nonstop? I decide to answer it. God knows I can’t take much more, so whoever is calling this time better have a really good reason for blowing my phone up.

  “Hello?”

  “Thank God you answered. Where are you? It doesn’t matter. You need to hurry home. Your dad had a heart attack and they just rushed him to the hospital.”

  “What? When? How do you know?”

  “Parker called me. Your mom called you, but you didn’t answer, so she called Parker. Everyone has been trying to get a hold of you!”

  “Is he okay?”

  “Grace, I don’t know. Parker said your mom sounded frantic.” Without saying goodbye, I hang up and pull out of the parking lot. Speeding in and out of traffic, I am reminded once again of the never ending mess my life has turned into. Pushing the thoughts of my pity party to the side, I focus on driving to the hospital.

  He can’t die. God, please, I beg you. Please.

  The last time I saw him, I stormed out and ran away from the truth.

  Hearing Grace’s pained voice scream that she hated me hurt worse than seeing Kristy blowing her teacher. At least then I knew there was nothing I could have done to prevent that. She was going to cheat regardless. As much as I like to take on some of the blame for not being there as much as I should have, I know she was just unhappy. But this, this whole fucked up situation, I know I could have prevented. If I would have just steered clear of Grace Clearwater, I wouldn’t be feeling like my heart has literally been ripped out of my chest and run over by a herd of wild horses.

  Standing, watching her drive away down the driveway, I feel like I might vomit. The sky is getting darker and I can hear Josie whining inside, so I get up and open the door to my house. It feels empty without Grace’s presence. I know I should eat, but I can’t. Scooping a few cups of dog food into Josie’s bowl, I walk to the bedroom. Opening the door, I wish Grace was lying in bed waiting for me. What I wouldn’t do for that to be a possibility right now, but sadly it isn’t, and it’s my fault. I should have been up front and honest. I don’t know how she would ha
ve taken it, but I shouldn’t have kept it a secret this long. Any moron could attest that it was a stupid idea. Thoughts of my blue-eyed girl fade into the background as I drift off to sleep in my lonely bed.

  “Bro, maybe you should just forget about her. I mean, it’s been like five days and she hasn’t called you back or even picked up any of your calls. I don’t want to sound like a dick, but let’s be honest, it doesn’t sound like she’ll be coming back around anytime soon.”

  “I will fucking beat your face in, Carson. You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. She just needs some time.”

  The sound of my phone ringing makes us both raise our eyebrows.

  “See? A week was long enough. I bet that’s her now.”

  “Whatever, Park, but if you don’t answer it she’s liable to hang up and you’ll miss your chance.”

  Shit.

  Bending to grab my phone off the counter in the kitchen I see a number I don’t recognize highlighted on the screen.

  “Uh, hello.”

  “Hi. Umm…is this Parker?” The sound of a strange woman’s voice startles me.

  “Yes, ma’am, who is this?”

  “This is Karen. Karen Clearwater.”

  Grace’s mom?

  “I am really sorry to bother you, but there has been an emergency. Is Grace there?”

  “No, ma’am, she isn’t. She was, well, a few days ago she was, but she left sort of abruptly and that was the last I’ve seen of her.”

  “Oh, okay. Well, if you happen to hear from her, can you please tell her something awful has happened?”

  “Of course. Mrs. Clearwater, if you don’t mind me asking, is everything okay? Is there something I can do?”

  “I wish there were. Her father has high blood pressure and has been a mess lately. He’s had a heart attack or stroke or something. I don’t know, but we are on our way to the hospital now. I just…I just want her to be there with us. I know she’s mad, but he needs her. We need her there, Parker.”

  “I understand, and I’m really sorry this is happening. I will do my best to find her and meet you at the hospital.”

  “Thank you, goodbye.”

  Scrolling through my list of contacts my finger hovers over Maci’s number and then hits call. A few rings later…

  “Parker? What are you doing?”

  Getting straight to the point I ask, “Is Grace with you?

  “Nope. Spencer and I are just about to see a movie. I haven’t talked to her since earlier today. Wait, when she left I thought she was going to hash things out with you and her parents. Is everything okay? You seem a little winded.”

  “Actually, if we’re being honest, no. Everything is not okay, but I don’t have time to fill you in on everything that has gone wrong. I need to find Grace. Her mom…well, her dad is ill. Mrs. Clearwater just called me to tell me that her husband had a heart attack or something. They aren’t sure, but they rushed him to the hospital.”

  “Whoa, slow down. Is he alive?”

  “Maci, I honestly don’t know. All I know is we need to find Grace, like yesterday. Tell me you know where she is.”

  “I really don’t know, Parker. Let me call her.”

  “All right, call me back.” A few nail biting minutes pass before I pick up the phone in an attempt to call Grace myself. Something extraordinary happens, and she answers, again.

  “Grace, oh my God, sweetheart. Where are you? Have you talked to Maci yet? Something happened to your dad. I’ll come get you. Where are you?”

  “Yes, I talked to Maci. I’m on my way to the hospital now.”

  “Okay. I’ll meet you there. I love you.”

  I decide to hang up before she has a chance to speak. I want to think she would say she loved me back and would be happy to know I was headed there to be with her, but right now I don’t know. Rushing into the house, I turn off all the lights and lock the door, then jump in my truck and head to the hospital.

  “Parker, over here!” I see Ramsey and Maci sitting in the lobby as I walk through the glass revolving doors.

  “Hey. Do we know anything yet? Where is Grace?”

  Maci sniffles and then says, “No news is good news, right? And Grace hasn’t gotten here yet. I don’t know where she was when I talked to her, but that was like an hour ago.”

  That’s strange; when I talked to her she said she was on her way. She didn’t mention being far away. We all shrug our shoulders as I sit down next to Ramsey and allow myself to grasp today’s events. Not only did Grace find out she was adopted, about Brody, and who her biological father is, but now her real father is sick. I can’t wrap my mind around how she must be feeling. No wonder she was so upset. Who in their right mind could comprehend all of the life changing facts she found out about recently?

  The sounds of a male shouting in the distance pull me out of my trance. And for the second time, my world stops turning on its axis. I stand, but that is my only movement, because my feet feel like they have been superglued in place. I watch as a man wearing a hunting jacket and an orange vest carries in a woman. A lifeless, blonde woman hangs in his arms. Her head is leaned backwards and her arms are hanging, swinging freely with his every step. For some reason, I can’t hear what he is screaming. My eyes are only focused on the woman he is carrying.

  Grace.

  Before I have time to react I see a handful of people wearing blue scrubs running from every which direction. A white gurney is rolled towards them. A black man in a white lab jacket – I assume he’s a doctor – takes her body from the man’s hands and lies her on the stretcher, and then they quickly wheel her away down a long hallway. Turning the corner, my brain finally comprehends what I just saw. Picking up one foot and then the other, I run to the man that brought her in. His face is bloodied, but nothing compared to Grace’s. Holding his shoulder, he tenses as I approach him. Another nurse rounds the corner with a wheelchair. Helping him into it, I ask, “What happened?”

  My breathing is erratic, like I just ran a fucking marathon.

  “The girl…” he says as his face flinches from pain. I can tell his shoulder is badly injured, but I need to know what happened to Grace.

  “The girl, the blonde. Accident.”

  “Sir, I am sorry, but we need to get him to the emergency room right now. Please back away from the wheelchair or I will have to call security.”

  Ignoring the nurse’s request I bend down so I am eye level with the man. He nods, and the nurse takes a few steps away.

  “Wreck…I saw her wreck. There was an SUV. It hit her, and she flew out of the windshield and landed right on my truck hood. I was hunting. It started to rain. I checked the SUV, but everyone was dead. I sped here, I swear.”

  Tears start to fall from the man’s eyes as the horror he speaks of makes my body tremble. Grace was hit by an SUV, and then her small body was ejected from her car?

  “Sir, this is your last warning. You need to move away from this wheelchair.”

  “Thank you for bringing her here.” The wounded man nods as the nurse pushes his wheelchair in the direction Grace was taken. Before I turn around, I see two ambulances pull up to the door. Paramedics hop out of the doors and rush around to the back. One has a small girl on it. She is bloody too, but alive. The other has a man in a suit on it. The doors open and the paramedics run by us. The wheels on the gurneys squeak as they roll on the tiled floor.

  “Code blue,” echoes over and over on the intercom.

  Maci is being held in Ramsey’s arms as she shakes her head in disbelief at what we just witnessed. I take one step towards them, but my legs are too shaky to hold me upright. Falling to my knees, I submit to the tears I have held inside for the last five minutes, and I pray.

  Dear God,

  If I never ask you for another thing in my life, can you please save Grace? She has been through so much in her short life, but it can’t end now. God, she is my everything. Please, I beg you. Take me instead. I would happily give my life to save hers. Ple
ase, I love her more than anything. Please save her. Please…

  A hand grabs my shoulder. Looking up from the spot on the floor my eyes have been fixated on, I see the face of my brother.

  “Parker, get up, man. It’s going to be okay.” Standing up, Carson wraps his arms around me. I can’t remember the last time I hugged my brother. I don’t know how he even knew what was going on, but I am thankful he is here.

  “She’s hurt, man. Grace is hurt, really bad.”

  “I know, I saw it.” The confusion on my face is unmistakable.

  “What? You saw what?”

  “The accident. I was a few cars down, but I noticed Grace’s car. I got out to see what was going on as they were zipping up the body bags.”

  Fuck.

  He continues, “That dude, I don’t know, our legislator – the one running for a seat in Senate or some shit. I don’t know; I saw his face on a bus one time. He died, and his wife too, I think.”

  I don’t move.

  I don’t blink.

  I don’t breathe.

  “The driver ran a red light and hit Grace’s car. Some old man saw it. He was telling the cops and I overheard them, so I rushed right here. Wait, what are you guys doing here? Did someone call you?

  Shaking my head is all I can do as I bury my face in my hands and cry. The floor is cold underneath my knees I don’t know what to say, all I know is to count my heart rate and try to regulate my breathing. A trick I learned from hours running on the treadmill at the gym. It normally helps, but I don’t know if anything can help me now.

  “Dude, her dad had a heart attack. Grace’s mom called Parker so we all met here. And then this guy dressed in camo from head to toe came in holding Grace. It didn’t look good.”

  Ramsey tells Carson what I can’t. Standing up, I look around at my friends’ faces and walk away, heading towards the exit. The night air is cool against my hot skin. September is right around the corner and the cool night air is an indication that fall is coming. Thoughts of Grace starting college again does nothing to help my mood, if anything it makes it worse. I can only hope she is okay, that she wakes up. She doesn’t deserve this. Any of this. She is so kind and loving. Why do the worst things happen to the best people?